Just like saying ‘calm down’, other harmful words can turn a productive discussion into a fight.

When arguing, saying “calm down” often has the opposite effect, making the other person even angrier.

Here are other five phrases you should avoid saying during an argument:

1. “You always’ or “you never”

Saying ‘always’ or ‘never’ is often an exaggerated statement, which can be misleading and potentially lead to defensiveness during a fight.

Instead of saying, “You never listen to me!” you could say, “I feel like I wasn’t heard when I was talking about [topic].” or “It bothers me when you interrupt me before I’m finished speaking.” This approach allows for a more productive conversation where you can communicate your needs and work towards a solution, rather than getting stuck in a cycle of blame and defensiveness.

2. “Why are you making such a big deal over nothing?”

Saying “you are making a big deal over nothing” is dismissive and invalidates the other person’s feelings. Instead, show understanding and ask for clarification. It demonstrates that you care about their perspective and want to hear them out.

3. My ex, mother, or sister don’t behave like that

Never compare your partner to another person, whether romantically or platonically. When you make sure statements, she reads them to mean you don’t like who she is and you would prefer the people you maintain. In other words, no one likes being compared to other people, so don’t do that.

4. “It is over!”

Instead of saying, “It is over!”, try saying, “I’m feeling overwhelmed right now. Can we take a break and come back to this later, when we’ve both calmed down?“. Saying, “We’re done!” is hurtful and threatening, especially if you don’t mean it. Instead, take a temporary break, this allows you to cool down and approach the conversation with a clearer mind. Also, offer a timeline for revisiting the issue. This demonstrates maturity and respect for the other person’s feelings.

5. “You’re such a @#$%&!”

Avoid insults, name-calling, and derogatory language. They are never productive and only serve to escalate the situation. Instead, say, “That behaviour is disrespectful and hurtful. I need you to” Focus on the behaviour instead of attacking the person; address the specific behaviour that is bothering you. Then, communicate your needs and clearly state what you expect and need from the other person to move forward in a respectful and constructive manner.

Fighting is stressful, but sometimes it just helps you understand your partner better. Avoiding, cutting off arguments and using negative language can escalate the situation and make it worse.

Texting is a key part of dating — and not just when you’re on the apps.

Part of building and maintaining relationships is knowing how to text in a way that creates and maintains a connection and builds attraction.

However, having to build a connection through a screen, knowing you have to captivate someone’s attention, can feel like a challenge. And sending mundane text messages can really sabotage your chances for a reply.

But that’s about to change, because once you truly understand how to text a guy to keep him interested, you won’t ever have to question how he feels.

Here’s how to keep a man interested over text with 5 simple tips

1. Use his language

It’s imperative to use their choice of words or slang when sending a text message to tap into their world. By using their words and vocabulary, it shows you’re relating to them to create a cohesive vibe.

It naturally makes them feel like you “get” them because you’re speaking their language. And relationships are all about relating to a partner. This little text trick will do wonders when you want to receive a keen reply.

Here’s an example (the words emphasized are the ones to pay attention to):

Text message from him: “I really enjoyed our dinner date over the weekend. Trying that new spot really satisfied my pizza craving.”

Your reply text: “I agree, the pizza was spot on! So happy they opened a location in the states. Maybe we can grab dinner next weekend too?”

Text message from him: “Next weekend sounds great! You pick the spot!”

“Spot” was the keyword the man used to describe the restaurant. By using his keywords, this creates a mutual alignment in understanding and relating to each other. It opens the door to further conversation about similar interests.

Other common examples to include in your text exchange are the use of emojis, photos, memes, or current social phrases.

2. Take interest in his lifestyle

Everyone loves to talk about themselves, but showing genuine interest in his interests and life, in general, show that there’s potential for a deeper connection.

Asking him about his family, experiences, or ambitions allows you to establish rapport and build a foundation for a connection based on common interests you may share.

Organically, people are more likely to give you specific details when you show curiosity in who they are. And while the dating world is full of subpar first dates that never go anywhere past shallow, surface-level discussions, when you want to keep a man interested over text, it’s essential to find out who he is.

Photo: Andrea Piacquadio / Pexels

Taking a personal interest in the things that bring value to his life lets you gather an inside peek with who he really is inside. You can learn a lot about what he likes or dislikes, which makes it easier when planning dates and potentially taking the relationship further.

Not only are you gaining knowledge about him, but you’re learning about yourself along the way. This gives you impactful insight into finding a powerful alignment with each other.

3. Give him compliments

Who doesn’t love a genuine compliment? It’s probably one of the most essential tips on how to keep a man interested over text. A compliment can go a long way when you show a person you’re interested in that you genuinely value certain aspects of who they are.

So, be sure to deliver plenty of authentic compliments when you text him. A few examples include:

• “I really like the blue shirt you wore last night. It’s a great color for you.”
• “Thank you for dinner. You’re a great cook!”
• “You’re pretty funny. You sure know how to make me laugh.”

When you speak with honest admiration, you’ll make him feel like a superstar. Not only will he like you more, but it will create instant oxytocin, which will keep him coming back to you. Who wouldn’t want to hear feel-good compliments?

Just remember that these compliments must be real and from a place of kindness. Don’t even think about faking it. Schmoozing is easy to read right through and often has an ulterior motive. So, keep it straight when you text with the guy you’re interested in.

4. Ask open-ended questions

Asking open-ended questions lets the connection grow between you two, because it shows you’re taking the initiative to get to know more about him. Open-ended questions encourage people to really open up by adding more facts and emotions to their responses. They don’t just give the gist; they tell you the whole story.

If you find yourself asking closed-ended questions, he will only have to reply with one-word answers. And that doesn’t give much room for the conversation to continue to flow and grow. It’s almost like you’re pulling teeth to have a conversation, which is the last thing you want to happen.

So steer clear of close-ended questions and instead ask open-ended ones.

Open-ended questions include:

• “Where are you from? What was it like growing up there?”
• “What did you do over the weekend?”
• “What are you up to tonight?”

Close-ended questions include:

• “What’s your favorite food?”
• “Do you like comedy shows?”
• “Have you ever been skydiving?”

It’s very easy to hide behind a screen and not convey the real you, especially if you still aren’t quite sure how to text a guy to keep him interested. Unfortunately, hiding your true self won’t get you too far in building a deeper connection once it comes time to meet in real life.

Being your most authentic self is the only way to build a bond that will last and attract authentic people into your life. Trying to be someone you’re not will actually push him in the opposite direction or attract guys you don’t want to keep around.

Most people love a partner who isn’t afraid to express their honest opinions or show their emotions. It’s attractive to expose your personality when first getting to know someone, flaws and all. This is the best approach to bringing a guy closer, as you are your biggest advantage to success.

When it comes to keeping a man interested over text, you can only receive what you’re willing to give.

If you’re craving more romance, being congruent with your words and actions are crucial to attracting guys who are boyfriend material. And that requires integrity.

Integrity is all about sending the right message that is harmonious to your needs and interests.

By having clear intentions, it leaves less room for texting errors. So, make sure your vibe is beaming with positivity to receive the attraction and love you crave!

You will begin attracting exactly what you want without feeling lost on how to get your needs met.

Did you know that 80% of the human brain develops before the age of three? According to attachment therapist Eli Harwood, our babies undergo rapid development during these earlier years.

So, what steps can we take to ensure they develop secure attachments as they grow older? Harwood offers three tips that every parent should consider.

3 Things All Babies Need To Form Secure Attachments As Adults

1. Close proximity to their caregivers

According to Harwood, babies need to be held and coddled during this development stage. She says, “When we prioritize physical touch we assure our babies that they’re safe and secure.”

Photo: Trendsetter Images / Shutterstock

When your baby feels safe they can better focus on their developmental stages as opposed to their basic survival instincts.

Developmental and behavioral pediatrician Dr. Mary Beth Steinfeld adds to this conversation, writing,” Babies who are held and comforted when they need it during the first six months of life tend to be more secure and confident as toddlers and older children.”

And it’s not just mothers who need to hold their babies — fathers and siblings do too. So, nuzzle your baby and let them know that they’re safe and protected.

2. Movement

Do you ever get the urge to rock your baby? Harwood explains that this urge is engrained to help our baby’s development.

Rocking our baby helps develop their vestibular sense. “This can impact both their balance and spatial orientation,” says Harwood. Movement also helps simulate the womb, which can be calming for a crying newborn.

According to the Raising Children Network, the movement also helps strengthen the neck and upper body. So, if you have a newborn try incorporating tummy time into their routine.

They write, “Tummy time is time your baby spends on their stomach while they’re awake.” Incorporating tummy time helps develop their rolling, crawling, and walking skills. However, it’s important to note that your baby may have a hard time adapting.

The Raising Children Network explains that tummy time can be stressful as your baby can’t see your face. They also warn parents that throwing up is normal when starting tummy time. So, what can we do?

Try placing the baby on your chest for tummy time. If not then get on the floor with your baby, preferably on a carpet. Do tummy time for 1-2 minutes then slowly increase to 10-15 minutes when they adjust.

“Do this several times a day to help with their development,” writes the Raising Children Network.

3. Mirroring

Mirroring is crucial for child development. According to Harwood, mirroring is when you reflect your child’s emotions back to them. But why is this important?

Mirroring shows children to not discount their body’s sensations. To pay attention and allow their emotions to run their course.

Clinical Social Worker Danielle Maxon adds by writing, “It encourages self-reflection, it helps kids feel understood and accepted, and it promotes the full and healthy expression of emotions.”

As new parents, you may struggle with mirroring. If you have a baby who cannot talk try mirroring through facial expression. If your baby is crying try using a sad facial expression with a softer tone.

“On the flip side if they’re happy then use a happy face with a happier tone,” says Harwood.

If your child is a toddler, use your words to mirror their feelings. Before speaking make sure you’re in a calm state of mind, says Maxon. Remind yourself it’s about them and not you. When calm re-approach your child and get down to their level.

Repeat what they’ve said to you. Say, “What I hear is that you don’t want to eat dinner now. You don’t like what’s being served and you think it’s unfair.”

When you’re finished ask if you got it right. Once they’ve confirmed, ask if there’s anything else they want to add.

Maxon advises that by doing this, you can ensure your child feels heard and understood, fostering greater trust between you two.

By actively participating in your child’s development, you’re helping them to form secure attachments as they mature.

A growing number of people over fifty are single, and many are looking for love.

While outdated statistics and media hype claim the chances of getting married go down significantly with every decade you have lived, the reality is most people after 50 will experience the best love of their lives. So don’t believe the hype.

People in their 50s, 60s, 70s, and, yes, even 80s are dating more than ever. They are falling in love and creating strong and intimate relationships. They put their children’s and grandchildren’s generations to shame. And this is why.

Here are 4 reasons why being 50+ is the best time for dating

1. Enough life experience to understand what is truly important from what is not.

They know who they are and know what works for them and what does not. No more games. They understand the value of relationships and appreciate their significant others more.

2. Learned from past relationships.

They have either lived through a divorce or the death of a spouse and can reflect on what went right and wrong and why. The ability to gain insight and lose ego is at its best. This is what enables you to create more intimacy and less drama.

3. More freedom from which to enjoy life.

At this juncture, chances are children have left the nest, and careers are firmly established. Some people have already transitioned careers into leisure time and are open to new adventures and life experiences.

Remember, 50 is the new 30; 60 is the new 40; 70 is the new 50. There is a lot of life yet to live and a lot of love yet to give.

4. The desire and capacity to enjoy intimacy to its fullest.

No more concern about pregnancy. No more concern about performance (thank you, medical advances). No more concern about self-consciousness, you’ve probably seen it all by now.

 The mature adult is comfortable with their identity and has the confidence to express themselves freely. Confidence, know-how, and attitude far outweigh the allure of a younger body — at least in the long run.

Get out and meet people. Enjoy new experiences. Get on an Internet dating site. Take a risk. Love after 50 is your best love yet. You have the maturity, wisdom, and confidence that like-minded people want and desire.

You are in the time of your life when you have the time, resources, and energy to try new things and meet new people. Take advantage of all the other fabulous single people out there who are waiting to meet you!

Nigeria’s Minister for Women Affairs, Uju Kennedy-Ohaneye, has advised women to always keep quiet whenever an argument comes up with their husbands at home.

Kennedy-Ohaneye made this appeal at a Conference of Commissioners of State Ministries of Women Affairs in Nigeria in Abuja on Wednesday. 

The minister said avoiding trading words would prevent physical assault that may lead to injury or death.

She said, “I am equally begging my women not to look for trouble, not even at home. Maintain peace in your home because if a home is peaceful, the woman has 80 percent to contribute to that. If you need peace, you can equally achieve it.

“Keep your mouth shut. Talking back does not yield fruit, rather it leads to death and destruction, it leads to bringing up bad children for society.

“Keep your mouth shut, it does not make you a fool but a wise person. When the man is shouting and saying all sorts of things, act like a fool and keep your mouth shut.

“After a while, watch him. If he is a good man, he will come back to apologise. If he is not a good one, ignore him. Have what you want to do in your mind, but when we show who we are and we fight back, most times, it leads to hitting; you could be injured.

“The same man that injures you will come back to say I am sorry. What will you do? Will you kill him? Even if we come out to fight for you and you lose one eye, are we going to replace the eye? So prevention is better than cure.”

The minister called for the signing of a law that would provide a mobile court to try gender and sexual based offences.

She promised to lead a protest to the office of the Minister of Justice and Attorney General of the federation to sign the law.

Kennedy-Ohaneye added that the minister would also launch an integrity group to monitor all funds donated to uplift women in the country, saying this was necessary as the country’s current situation did not suggest donor funds for women’s empowerment were used for the right cause.

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When it comes to relationships, deciphering the signs of true love can be as tricky as understanding calculus.

It’s often said that certain requests or demands from a partner could be red flags indicating a lack of genuine affection.

But is it myth or truth? Let’s explore four commonly cited requests that some believe could mean she doesn’t love you.

1. Constant financial support

If the relationship feels more like a financial transaction than a romantic partnership, take a step back.

It’s one thing to support each other during tough times, but it’s another if she’s always asking for money or extravagant gifts without showing appreciation or reciprocation.

Love should be about mutual support, not one-sided benefits.

2. Changing your personality or appearance

Love means accepting each other for who you are, quirks and all. If she’s asking you to change fundamental aspects of yourself – be it your looks, interests, or values – it might not be love driving those requests.

A partner who loves you will encourage growth, not insist on altering your identity.

3. Isolating you from loved ones

Requests to cut off ties with friends or family should raise alarm bells. A loving relationship will integrate into your existing life, not demand exclusivity at the expense of your other relationships. Isolation is a control tactic, not a sign of affection.

4. Demanding transport money before visiting

When she insists on receiving transport money every time she plans to visit, it might indicate that her interest lies more in the convenience you offer than in spending quality time together.

While it’s understandable to share expenses, consistently treating visits as transactions can reflect a lack of genuine commitment and affection.

Myth or truth?

So, are these requests definitive signs she doesn’t love you? Not necessarily. Context is key. It’s important to communicate openly about concerns and understand each other’s perspectives.

Sometimes, what seems like a red flag could be a misunderstanding or a sign of underlying issues that can be resolved through honest conversation and mutual effort.

In love, actions speak louder than words (or requests). True affection is demonstrated through respect, understanding, and kindness.

It’s about building each other up, not making demands that serve one’s interests at the expense of the other’s well-being. Love is a two-way street, paved with compromise, support, and genuine care.

Remember, deciphering the language of love requires more than just listening to what is asked of you; it’s about understanding why it’s being asked and how it affects your bond.

I learnt that life wasn’t fair from a very young age and in the worst way possible. My stepfather used to abuse me sexually and when I finally got the courage to report him, he only got three months counselling as punishment and was allowed to live with me again.

My mother took him back because of financial reasons but she kept us separate. They slept in the downstairs part of the house and we slept in the upstairs part. Still, I was traumatized and lived in fear. As if I hadn’t been through enough trauma, I was introduced to a man who I thought loved me but he sex trafficked me.

When I was around 14 years old, one of my neighbours came over to my house and invited me to a pool party.

“It’s going to be fun.” She said.

“Sure. I’d love to.”

I didn’t have many friends so it felt nice to be included in something for once. I grabbed my swimsuit and followed the girl. Before we got to the location, we ran into a small crowd of teenagers. There was one guy who stood out in the crowd. He had everyone’s attention and everyone wanted to talk to him. My friend started walking towards them and I followed her.

“Hi Greg, I want you to meet my friend Wendy. Wendy, this is Greg.” She said to the guy.

Greg turned to me, smiled and stretched his hand out to me then said, “It’s a pleasure to meet you.”

At that moment, I felt weak in my knees. My heart started racing and I couldn’t stop smiling.

“Can I get your number?” He asked.

“Sure,” I said then gave it to him.

I didn’t think that he would call me but later that night, he did and we talked for hours. That was the beginning of a relationship that led me to being sex trafficked.

All I wanted was to be loved and Greg knew how to make me feel loved. It didn’t take long for us to be intimate and I became pregnant shortly after. I was still under my mother’s care since I was 17 years old when I had my child. Greg insisted that I should move out of my mother’s house for us to make the relationship work.

“How am I going to do that?” I asked.

“I have a plan. You can move to a shelter where they’ll consider you emancipated from your parents, then you can get welfare checks and we can get an apartment and live happily ever after.” He explained.

At the time, it sounded like a fairytale and I was all in. I ran away from home and Greg dropped me and my daughter at a shelter. However, life at the shelter wasn’t as easy as Greg made it seem.

It took a while for me to get my first welfare check and I was running out of baby products. So, I called Greg to let him know that I needed money to take care of our child.

“Don’t worry, I have a job for us to do.” He said.

I assumed he meant cleaning people’s houses since that was what he told me he did for money. So, I picked up my daughter and went to meet him.

“What are we going to do?” I asked Greg.

“Well, you’re going to walk up this street, wait on that corner for a man to pick you up and you’ll have sex with that man in his car and he’ll pay you.” He explained without any emotion.

I was confused and hesitant but he kept bringing up my daughter and telling me that if I loved her, I would do it. I felt like I didn’t have a choice. My legs and hands were shaking as I walked to the spot he had told me to stand. As soon as I got there, a car stopped in front of me and the man asked me to get in. That is how I started being sex trafficked by my husband.

“I know a place we can go in the woods.” He said.

I didn’t say anything. When we got to the woods, we both got out and went to a secluded area where he started taking off his clothes. I took off mine and we had sex then he gave me the money and drove me back to where he had picked me.

When I got out, I went to Greg who was still standing on the same spot and handed him all the money.

“I love you. I knew I made the right choice in picking you as my wife.” He said.

We went to buy diapers and formula for the baby and even had a little leftover. However, a week later, we were out of diapers again. 

That time, he told me to do two or three clients since I could make more money to be able to come out of the shelter.

“Do you want your daughter to live in a shelter for the rest of her life?” He asked.

From that point, he began building one of the largest prostitution rings in the region. It consisted of 4 to 10 girls in different states. For 13 years and still married to him, he sex trafficked me. It went from once a week to every other day depending on how much money he was getting from the other girls. I worked as a street girl, escort and home calls. Not to mention, I had two more children with him.

People always asked me why I chose to stay with him for all those years but no matter what I said, they couldn’t understand what I went through. Greg got us addicted to drugs and would physically abuse us when we tried to leave. He would also make the other girls go find any girl who left and beat them until the girl came back. I felt connected with the other girls since we weren’t allowed to have outside connections. So, whenever I managed to escape, I would feel guilty and go back because I didn’t want them to get hurt.

After 13 years, I was finally free from Greg. I had just given birth and was in the kitchen preparing food for us when I saw police cars outside our house. The police stormed in, arrested Greg and took me in for questioning.

However, I refused to talk to them since I was scared that I would get a beating from Greg if he found out. Since I didn’t cooperate, they charged me with sex trafficking and I was sentenced to 23 months in prison. Greg was also charged with sex trafficking and sentenced to 10 years in prison.

My children were taken when I was in prison and since the judge in the custody case believed I was a sex trafficker, she vowed that I wouldn’t get custody of my children. When I got out, I went back to school and got an associate’s degree. I also went back to the same judge in my custody case to ask for my child’s custody. I went with my lawyers, counsellors and even the police officers who arrested me so we could explain my case to the judge. 

She gave me my child back and I moved back home to live with my mum who, unfortunately, passed away later. Today, I feel safe and content, which is an amazing place to be. I’ve realized that there are people who are willing to help people who have been through the challenges that I’ve been through and if you’re going through something similar, you don’t have to suffer alone or in silence.

This story is based on Unfiltered Stories YouTube video.

A 32-year-old mother of five has accused her children’s father of not properly catering for them.

Adwoa cannot fathom why Frank, her ex-lover, cannot cater for the four children they have but will get money to marry another woman.

She is pained that their 7-year-old boy is yet to go to school because the father claims he has no money, yet secretly wedded another woman.

Adwoa who claims to be suffering from emotional abuse appeared on Nhyira Fm’s Obra Show to pour her frustration.

“I have been there for you all these years when you had nothing and now after destroying my life you went ahead and married another woman at my back. You told me you don’t have money to cater for our youngest child’s education and the boy has been disturbing me till now but you go ahead to wed another,” Adwoa spewed.

Frank however refuted the accusation.

“I sent them ¢30 each day because work is not booming of late. Adwoa has put me through a lot of problems and debt of which I warned her severally but she didn’t heed my warnings and that made me end our relationship 7 years ago before I got married. I can only send ¢30 for now and if she insists I will take my children and know how to cater for them,” he said.

But Adwoa, poised on getting compensation, would not agree to the dictates of Frank.

She insisted on the performance of Wangara traditional rites before she would give away the children.

The rites involve a ransom of three cattle which the man was not ready to deliver.

Show host, Mama Efe, is mediating on the way forward for the children to receive the best of care.

Seven years ago, Bawah met Zinabu on one of his trips to Mfensi, and realizing Zinabu to be of the same tribe, he declared his intention to marry her as the third wife.

But after living together for some years without the man paying the dowry, Zinabu decided to opt out of the relationship.

“He informed me one afternoon that he has the intention of going for a 4^th wife and wanted to know my take. But I strongly disagreed with him because for the past 7 years he has not paid my bride price yet wanted to marry another woman, I will not understand,” Zinabu narrated on Nhyira Fm’s Obra Show.

The quest of Bawah to marry another woman infuriated Zinabu, who demanded compensation from the man for her to go her way.

But Bawah will not agree to Zinabu’s proposition.

“I went to the North and performed all duties as custom demands when her father died. Afterwards I wanted to marry her at the North but she refused. Since then, any time there is little misunderstanding she will pack her belongings and go live in a container. I can count about 20 times of such. For the past six months now she has been living there. I want to marry her but she has been using one thing or the other as an excuse and if she is not interested to marry again, I have nothing to say but I will not compensate her,” said Bawah.

Zinabu however says she will rather go her separate way, even without the compensation, than to contend with a 4th wife.

When you are naked, or close to being in the nude, you are already in a vulnerable state. Then you throw someone else into it and it gets even worse. 

You just want everything to be perfect, your performance to be spectacular and you want to be as seamless as possible.

The reality of it is that there are plenty of mortifying things that happen that we just can’t control, and while you think you are the only one, you really aren’t.

1. Queefs and Farts

These are probably the most mortifying events that you will experience at one point. You’ll experience queefing if there is a lot of air getting up in your lady bits and being pushed because of the penis.

Same with farts if you are doing anal. Plus the bigger he or the sex toy is, the more likely it is to happen.

2. Not Being Able to Get Him Up

Sometimes guys just can’t get hard, much like girls can’t get wet. It’s nothing to do with you. He could be on medication, too drunk or just having a bad day. Don’t take it personally!

3. He Can’t Get it In

Guess what, sometimes he just can’t put his key in your ignition properly or stay in. Things happen and it falls out a lot. It’s totally normal.

4. Condom Fails

You should always have sex with a condom on. Always, always! But being safe also means having some uncomfortable moments with it either falling off, breaking or being stubborn. It’s happened to us all.

5. Gagging on the D

We have all had a moment where we choke and absolutely start gagging on his penis that’s forcefully down your throat. Don’t worry, guys tend to actually like it because it makes them feel like they have a big dick. No shame to be had giving him a confidence boost.

6. Leaving a Wet Spot

Guess what, it happens. Big deal! It just means that you were really into it and proves to him that he did a good job at getting you to feel good. Be proud of your pleasure puddle!

7. New Position Fails

You’d be lying to yourself if you haven’t tried to spice things up and try a new position and have it epically fail. We’ve all been there.

8. Getting Your Period/Bleeding

There is nothing more humiliating than having an unexpected three-way with aunt Flow or having some unexpected bleeding. Sometimes it just happens. Bleeding is normal as a result of a tear but if it’s a rather large amount, I would consider that a more serious tear that should be looked at by a professional.

9. Finishing Too Fast

You might get frustrated because it was actually good for once, but I can assure you that you should be proud at getting him to the finish line quickly. It means you are just that good!

You might think you’re alone with these embarrassing stories and mishaps, but the truth is, all of us have experienced these at least once. 

No one said intimacy was perfect because it often results in a lot of laughs. And at the end of the day, guys just want to get it in.

They won’t judge you for the things that happen because they know it’s normal and have probably experienced them with other women too.

In a classic tale of relationship woes and lottery luck, a man is accusing his ex-girlfriend of cheating him out of his share of £1 million in lottery winnings.

Michael Cartlidge, 39, claims that he and his former partner, Charlotte Cox, 37, bought the winning lottery scratchcard together at a shop in Spalding, Lincolnshire.

However, after their breakup, Ms Cox has been declared the sole winner by lottery officials.

While Michael acknowledges that Charlotte scratched the ticket, he argues that he was the one who suggested they make the purchase and even transferred her the cash for it while they were still in the shop.

Camelot, the previous owners of the lottery, conducted an investigation that involved reviewing CCTV footage from the shop.

They had initially indicated to Mr. Cartlidge that the winnings would be split. However, it is now understood that the new lottery owners, Allwyn, have ruled in favour of Ms Cox as the rightful claimant.

Mr. Cartlidge, a security engineer, maintains that he is entitled to half of the winnings and is contemplating legal action.

‘I am in shock. I can openly admit that we wouldn’t have got that ticket without Charlotte, but she wouldn’t have got it without me either. I know it was her bank account that paid for it, but it should go 50-50 morally’, he said.

Ms Cox responded to the claims, dismissing them as “rubbish.” According to a source close to her, her former partner has “no right” to the jackpot.

The couple had been together for three months before the lottery dispute arose. On the night of the win, Mr Cartlidge was staying at Ms Cox’s house, and they decided to go to their local Lidl to purchase duck pancakes for dinner. They then decided to visit the neighbouring Nisa store to buy a couple of £5 scratchcards.

According to Mr. Cartlidge, his ex-partner informed him that she didn’t have enough money to pay for the tickets, so he attempted to transfer funds using his bank app. He says the moment was captured on the shop’s CCTV footage.

To their astonishment, one of the scratchcards rewarded them with the £1 million jackpot. Forty minutes later, Mr. Cartlidge’s transfer went through.

The couple celebrated their win with a trip to the seaside and had various plans in the works, including buying a house together and purchasing a car.

Finding the perfect gift for the woman you’re into can feel overwhelming. That’s totally normal. You certainly don’t want to give a woman a gift that will make her feel anything but respected and desired.

So what kind of gifts say this without the risk of backfiring? As is true with anything, you can’t guarantee a positive reaction because everyone is different.

But I have some fabulous ideas for sexy gifts that I think will win you some big points with your dream lady.

Check out this guide to learn how to buy a sexy gift for your partner that strengthens your connection.

Do Your Research

When it comes to gift-giving, knowledge is power. Before you embark on your gift-shopping adventure, do your research to make sure you buy something she’ll actually use.

Like I said earlier, every woman is different. What one woman would die to be gifted could send another running for the hills.

It’s important that you and your recipient be on the same page, at least relatively. You don’t want to buy anal beads for a woman whose idea of fun may not be anal toys. Find out what kind of gift would make your woman feel loved and understood.

Take some time to get to know her particular interests. What does she crave in the bedroom? Has she ever mentioned a desire to dress up for you in sexy lingerie? Is she more reserved or a total thrill seeker in the sheets? When buying a gift for a woman, it’s important to prioritize her needs and desires, not yours.

With that in mind, here are some sexy gift ideas that’ll make her smile!

Vibrator

Women love vibrators. Period, end of story!

There are lots of different types, shapes, and sizes, and this really is a personal preference. Shop around for a vibe that has great reviews. When you take the time to find out what other women love, you’re usually on the right track to finding a toy that will do it for your honey.

In my opinion, nothing screams: I want you to experience sexual bliss like gifting a vibrator. This is always a good and generous place to start because it lets your partner know that their pleasure is important to you. It is a beautifully selfless gift that lets your significant other know you care about them.

Sex Card Games

Often, women prefer to be eased into sex. The buildup and the foreplay should be stretched out for as long as possible to ensure your partner feels like her needs are being met adequately.

It is the excitement of this mutual attraction that keeps a woman engaged. Rather than bulldozing into the act itself, prolong the foreplay!

There are tons of ways to make foreplay last longer, and this alone is a priceless gift to give her. Why not shop around for sexy card games to get her in the mood? Sex card games come in different themes and intensities. So again, make sure you’re on the same page with the kind of excitement you’re hoping to achieve. 

Surprising your lady with sensual card games can let her relish in the entire experience of intimacy. It tells her that you want to take your time to give her waves of pleasure.

Seductive Lingerie

Okay, this is where things can get really exciting. After you’ve done your research and discovered the likes and dislikes of your partner, you may find she is open to being gifted lingerie. Lucky you, this is great news.

Lingerie is an amazing sexy present to give someone. When all goes well, it tells your partner how much you dig their body and expresses intent for deeper intimacy.

Women love being adored. And if you’re not making her feel this way, you’re definitely doing it wrong. Gifting lingerie can make her feel sexy, special, and wanted. These are good emotions to conjure up!

Find seductive lingerie for your woman that matches her style. Think not only about what she would look hot in, which as far as you’re concerned is everything, but also about what will make her feel good. Lingerie can up intimacy tenfold, making it a gift that keeps on giving.

Elevate Your Love Story

Do your homework, and you will be sure to deliver an unforgettably thoughtful sexy gift to your woman! Good luck, and don’t forget the most important part of gift-giving⏤the recipient should be at the forefront of your mind.

In a society where sexual activity is often discussed openly and frequently, the choice of abstinence can seem like a road less traveled.

However, for various reasons, some men choose to abstain from sexual activity for periods of their life.

This decision, personal and sometimes complex, can have several effects on a man’s body. Let’s explore what happens when a man decides to take a hiatus from sexual activities.

Emotional and psychological well-being

Firstly, abstinence can have a profound impact on a man’s emotional and psychological health. Contrary to popular belief, making a conscious decision to abstain can lead to increased self-esteem and a sense of control over one’s life choices.

It can also reduce the stress associated with sexual relationships, including the worry over STIs and unplanned pregnancies.

However, it’s important to note that this experience varies widely among individuals. Some may find abstinence challenging and feel feelings of loneliness or frustration, highlighting the importance of a supportive social circle and healthy outlets for emotional expression.

Physical health changes

On the physical side, abstinence does not lead to any serious health issues. In fact, it eliminates the risk of sexually transmitted infections (STIs), which is a significant benefit.

However, some men might experience physiological changes, such as an increase or decrease in libido, or changes in erectile function due to the lack of sexual activity.

It’s crucial to understand that these changes are typically temporary and resolve with time or the resumption of sexual activity.

Impact on prostate health

The impact of abstinence on prostate health has been a topic of discussion among health professionals.

Some studies suggest that regular ejaculation may reduce the risk of prostate cancer, although the evidence is not definitive.

It’s worth noting, though, that abstinence does not directly lead to poor prostate health. Maintaining a healthy lifestyle, including regular exercise and a balanced diet, remains essential for prostate and overall health.

Choosing abstinence is a personal decision that can have various effects on a man’s body and mind.

While it can lead to certain physical and emotional changes, it also offers benefits like reduced risk of STIs and the opportunity for personal growth.

Like any lifestyle choice, it’s important to consider the reasons behind this decision and ensure that it aligns with one’s values and life circumstances.

Why do we keep thinking about someone after they’ve broken our heart?

If you’ve recently gone through the pain of breaking up with someone you love, you may constantly find yourself ruminating about your ex.

You may hope your situation will change — they’ll start loving you again and you’ll eventually get back together and live happily ever after. You may even think about this hourly, wondering how you can ever be happy again until that moment arrives.

First of all, I am so sorry you’re going through this heartbreak. There’s nothing worse than a broken heart.

And let me say, good for you for recognizing the truth and knowing that it’s time to move on!

There is someone out there for you and by letting go of your ruminations about the ex, you will be able to find them.

But for now, let’s talk about how to stop that endless stream of thoughts about the person you once thought you’d be in love with forever.

Here’s how to stop ruminating about your ex so you can move on and be happy again.

1. Ask yourself how determined you are to stop these repetitive thoughts.

Before you begin any life changing process, you must ask yourself how determined you are to actually do it. On a scale of one to ten, how close to a 10 are you? Without steadfast determination you will not be able to accomplish something as challenging as stopping thinking about someone you love.

So, are you ready to do this? Is there any part of you that is holding on to the possibility things could work out? Do you find a little bit of comfort thinking about them? Do you feel like you aren’t strong enough to stop the obsessive thoughts you’re having?

If the answer to any of these questions is a yes, then perhaps you should wait a bit longer before you begin this process.

Time is a great healer and with some time you will get stronger, stop ruminating, and be ready to take on this challenging task.

2. Remember the truth rather than the fantasy you’re ruminating about.

After breakups, we tend to romanticize even the worst relationships. We are obsessed with all of the good things about it — how wonderful it was at the beginning and how wonderful it could still be. You return in your minds to that romantic day you spent together in New York and how much you loved meeting their friends.

What we don’t think about is the bad stuff, the stuff that led us to the end of the relationship. If you want to know how to get over someone, this is one of the best ways.

To that end, make three lists:

• List #1: Reasons the relationship ended.

What were the signs they had stopped loving you and the relationship was ending? Perhaps they no longer made an effort to spend time with you. Or they didn’t return your text messages. Or when you were going to bed, they just rolled over and turned off the light without kissing you. Or perhaps they told you they don’t like or respect you, even as they let you buy them a new bike or a fancy meal.

You know what I am talking about. Those gut feelings that told you this relationship was wrong.

• List #2: Those things you were kidding yourself about.

Are there some things you’re doing to talk yourself out of letting them go? Do you think if you just did one thing, they will start loving you again? Or perhaps you wonder how could they not love you because you know you are awesome?

I have a client who just doesn’t accept her relationship is over. She truly believes he should love her, and if she holds on long enough, he will know too. Every day she debases herself by ruminating about him and longing for his return.

Take a true account of those things you are doing to justify holding onto the relationship and continuing to think about your ex. Take a good hard look at them. Without understanding them, you won’t be able to let this person go. Letting go is one of the most difficult parts of learning how to get over someone you love, but it has to be done.

• List #3: What you want in a new relationship.

If you don’t know what you want in a relationship, then you will most definitely be more likely to keep thinking about one that isn’t serving you.

Take some time and write down what you want in a relationship and what the person of your dreams looks like. Most likely, you will find what is important to you isn’t present in your current relationship.

Once you have made your three lists, refer to them often.

When we are in the midst of emotional turmoil our brains get cloudy and we can’t think clearly. If you have these lists in front of you, reminding you of why you have broken up with this person, you will be able to stay steadfast in your determination to stop thinking about them!

3. Cut off all contact with your ex.

I know we all think we need closure at the end of a relationship, a final conversation where everyone gets to say what they want to say and you understand each other and walk away as friends. People think they need this in order to stave off rumination.

I am here to tell you I believe closure is a myth.

Closure is actually one last chance to spend time with and talk to a person you still love. Because really, if you could have a conversation and finally understand each other, why couldn’t you make it work as a couple?

So, when you have decided the relationship is over and you no longer want to think about them, cut them off. Block them on your phone, disconnect on social media, and stay away from places where you know they will be.

What you need to do is break the ties you have to your ex and change your habits. If you don’t know what they are doing, you are more like to stop thinking about them. The old saying, “out of sight, out of mind” is true. So, cut them off right away. It will make the healing process much easier.

4. Know in your heart you will love again.

This is the number one obstacle for most people who are trying to stop thinking about someone they love. Almost without exception, they can’t stop ruminating about their ex because they believe there will never be another person for them, if they let go of this person, they will be alone forever.

That isn’t true. You will learn how to be happy again. There are many, many fish in the sea, and there is one for you.

Of course, you will never have a chance to go fishing if you’re still holding on to this person who doesn’t love you. If you can be brave enough to act and let go your ex, you will be setting yourself up to find the love of your life!

For example, another client of mine was in a horrible relationship where she felt awful about herself. She kept on breaking up with and taking him back because during those breaks, she couldn’t stop thinking about what an amazing guy he was.

Then one day, after yet another breakup with him, she was invited to a dance party. She decided to go to it instead of at sitting home ruminating about her man. At the party, which she never would have gone to if she had been home thinking about the bozo guy, she met the love of her life.

How awesome is that?!

5. Get back out there.

Want to know how to stop obsessive thoughts about your ex? Get back out there!

I know right now you feel like you may never love again. All you want to do is stay home and obsess and stare at your phone. It may even feel like putting yourself back out there is somehow a betrayal to your love.

Putting yourself back out there doesn’t mean you have to fall in love again right now. Putting yourself back out there means getting dressed up and flirting and dating and having a lot of fun.

And you will, you will find another love. But in the meantime, you can enjoy yourself and the freedom you have as a single person. Embrace it!

Stopping those thoughts about someone you love is an incredibly hard thing to do.

You are holding onto the feelings you had for each other in the beginning, the feelings of excitement about the future you shared. You want them to come back to love you and everything to be fine and it’s all you can think about.

But hopefully now, after doing your work, you know getting back together isn’t going to happen, and it’s time to stop ruminating and take action.

Get determined, identify exactly why you broke up , cut off all contact, believe that your next love is out there, and then get out there and find your new love.

The next short period of time will be painful. Saying goodbye to someone you love always is.

But, once you are through it, life will go on and you will be in a place to find that special someone who will love you forever.

And in doing so, you will learn how to be happy once again!

Is your romantic partner right for you or is it time to move on? There is no single answer to this question, no matter how much relationship advice you read up on.

Everyone’s situation is unique. But below are some indicators that it may be time to part ways.

Before reading on, you will need to step back from your relationship for a moment and look at it from the perspective of an outsider (I will take the perspective of a woman thinking in a relationship with a man but the advice should apply all-around).

Here are 5 signs you and your partner are incompatible.

1. You have different core values.

Core values are non-negotiables, such as the desire to have kids, to get married, or to move to Iceland. If you and your partner’s core values differ significantly, that is a major red flag.

That by itself should be cause for concern, regardless of how well you currently get along with him. If you are willing to negotiate your so-called core values, those values are not, in fact (or are no longer), core values.

Granted, it’s possible for you to truly change your core values, but changes of this kind shouldn’t be the result of pressure or suggestions from a romantic partner. They should be the result of personal growth.

2. Your partner takes you for granted.

You watch the movies your partner picked out earlier, you eat the food he decided to bring home from one of the local take-out places without consulting with you first, you dress the kids in clothes you know he will like.

Meanwhile, he never acknowledges any of this. He simply takes your submissive behavior for granted.

In his mindset, it’s assumed that this is how things are meant to be: take-charge man, submissive woman. It feels as if you could easily have been replaced by one of those inflatable sex dolls.

Would it have made a difference to his behavior? Probably not. He would probably just have had more than his share of the Chinese food.

3. Your partner doesn’t respect you.

Lack of respect can show up in many different forms. One is the lack of forward-moving actions. But it can also be in terms of verbal or emotional abuse, or passive-aggressive behavior.

All the last three mentioned styles of abusive behavior can be so subtle that it is hard to notice it for what it is.

He might be well aware of the fact that he fails to do his share of the household duties and yet does nothing about it (passive-aggressive) or he might attempt to create distance between the two of you by making plans for the weekend without first attempting to make any joint plans with you.

Sometimes these styles of abusive behaviors are not quite as subtle. He may be calling you derogatory names such as “w****,” “slut,” “hooker,” or “b****” and never apologize. He might even repeat it. Or he might disguise it, as in, “In those clothes, you look like a slut.”

By putting it this way he is trying to control you without you actually having any direct way of blaming him. After all, he didn’t call you a slut. The abuse is cleverly disguised under the perceptual verb phrase “looks [to me] like.”

4. Your partner doesn’t care about your needs, emotionally or sexually.

Everything you do, you do because it fits his way or his day. He expects you will want whatever he wants. He takes and takes and takes and rarely gives. He expects you to make everything easy for him, so he hardly has to do anything to remain in a relationship with you.

This is yet another one of the signs you and your partner are incompatible.

Suppose you live apart, and he has a plumber coming over. Wouldn’t it be convenient to have lunch in the meantime, since he has to be out of the house anyway? Your own thoughts: “Yes, it would. But mostly for you. When do you arrange a real date?”

Or he questions the frequency or quality of your fellatio when he virtually never returns the favor, never engages in cunnilingus despite multiple hints (at first), and then explicit mentions (as a last resort).

If you think really hard about it, you may come to the conclusion that you can count on one hand the number of times he has given your needs even a single thought, or the number of times he has understood your needs and actually satisfied them (however minuscule they have been).

5. Your partner is a caretaker but is rarely (or never) a caregiver.

It may have taken you a while to notice it but eventually, it strikes you. Big time.

You always care about him, how he is feeling, what he is up to, what his plans are, which mood he is in. He rarely cares in the same way about you. It’s rare for him to ask even a single of those questions about your welfare.

Well, don’t blame him. You are his new mom in disguise — or maybe his second mom (if he is still on good terms with his real mom).

Moms (and dads) are normally caregivers, and children are the receivers of that care.

If you’ve taken on that role in the relationship, something’s gone wrong.

Are you in a complicated or toxic relationship, wondering if you’ll ever be in a healthy one? Are you thinking maybe a breakup is the right way to go, for your good and theirs? I get it.

Letting go of someone you love is not easy. This is a complicated question worth serious consideration before taking action.

What is a toxic relationship? When you constantly ask yourself, “Should I break up with my boyfriend?” something is wrong. Unhealthy relationships don’t just happen without a reason. Knowing when to stay and when to break up is vital for your health and happiness, as well as for your partner, even though it hurts.

Here are 3 painfully honest signs you need to break up with someone even if you still love them:

1. Their baggage is hurting the relationship (and you).

Are you madly in love with a person who is damaged? Someone who has baggage from past relationships, struggles with family issues, has anger or insecurity issues, or is dealing with substance abuse? Your partner’s baggage can make it difficult to be with them.

You can’t fix their problems. Many of us stay with people even if they aren’t making us happy or make us miserable because they have issues we believe we can fix. We believe they can’t possibly get better if we don’t stand by their side. And those are admirable thoughts. I understand they come from a place of love, but if you love them, you should consider letting them go for their good.

Stop enabling unhealthy behavior. Many of us who stick around because we think we can fix our person or they need us is enabling damaging behavior. We tend to overcompensate for our partner’s damage — perhaps justifying their drinking or molding ourselves to be someone different from who we are so as not to trigger them about lost love. We tiptoe around them to prevent an angry outburst. These things are understandable, and you probably feel supported, but they aren’t helping your person get any better. They could be making them worse.

Help them get better by letting go. If you can find the strength to let your damaged person go if you can tell them you love them and you want to help and support them, but all you are seeing is them getting worse and your relationship getting more unhealthy, you’re giving your person a chance to get better.

If you let your partner go and they find that not only are they alone but also not in a relationship where someone is overcompensating for their issues, they will be way more likely to get help. Yes, you may be worried if you let them go, they will get fixed and find someone else to live happily ever after with, and it might happen.

But if you hold onto hope they will get better so you can live happily ever after, you won’t. You will just be miserable. So, if your person is struggling in a way that is hurting your relationship, consider letting them go for their good. They have a better chance to be healthy and happy, and so do you.

2. You don’t love them the way you should.

I remember when I was married and unhappy, I used to think about letting go of my husband so he could find someone who made him truly happy.

But I still loved him, even if we were struggling, and the thought of him being with someone else made me sick to my stomach. So, for selfish reasons, I held on, and we were both miserable.

Allow them to be happy. If you love someone but know you don’t love them enough, let them go. Let them have the opportunity to be happy, to find true love, and not live a life as full as they deserve.

I know it’s scary, and you’re worried if you let go of this person, you might never find love again. And I get it. But if you don’t let go of a person who you don’t love the way you should, you are doomed to years of misery. I promise if you let them go, you will find someone else to love.

So, if you look at the person you are with and feel love for them, but not enough, let them go. Give both of you a chance to find happiness and the healthy relationships you both deserve. After we divorced, my ex and I were lucky enough to find our soulmates, and we are both living happy lives now. I still remember the feeling in my gut, but I am glad things turned out the way they did.

3. You are yo-yoing.

Are you in a relationship with someone you love but aren’t sure you want to be with? Perhaps you aren’t happy with how they treat you and feel restless, or want to spend more time with your friends. Perhaps, because of this, you tell your person you need some time. You move out of the house, stop calling, or ghost them. You put an end to the relationship.

Then a day, a week, or a month later, you go back to them. Perhaps because you hope things can be different, you feel lonely, or perhaps because hanging with your friends got boring. Whatever the reason, you go back.

Then, after some time, you realize nothing has changed and you still don’t love this person the way you want to. So you leave again. This is called yo-yoing, and it can be devastating for the person being left behind. I have many clients who are subjected to yo-yoing and I can tell you, without exception, yo-yoing destroys their self-esteem.

Wishy-washy behavior is cruel and destroys their self-esteem. 

They are left feeling like they aren’t good enough, wondering why you can’t love them in the same way they love you. They try to change who they are, hoping things will be different this time. They are tormented by what their partner does after breaking up with them.

If you find yourself coming and going with your person, stop! Try looking outside of your own selfish needs and let them go. Let them find themselves to know they are enough and stop their torment about what you will do next.

If you can do this, both of you will have the chance to be happy and find love — and not be stuck on this hamster wheel of trying to make something that is broken work.

Considering letting go of someone you love for their good is a big deal. When we first meet and fall in love, we have many hopes and dreams for the future. Letting go of those hopes and dreams can be devastating.

Learning how to know when to break up can be difficult. But, ultimately, letting go of someone you love for their good and yours is the best course of action. The goal in life is to be happy. Letting go of someone you love will make another possibility for both of you.

Are you wondering when to break up with someone who’s making you miserable? Are you unhappy in your relationship but rationalizing reasons why you should stay, wondering if things would be different with someone else?

Are you scared that you might be making a mistake if you walk away and worried that you might never be happy again? Deciding to let go of someone you love is a very hard thing to do.

Much like the hope that a coma victim will wake up, the hope of resurrecting lost love is hard to let go of.

Here are 5 undeniable signs your relationship is honestly over:

1. You can’t talk about things

Relationships are very intense and very personal. A key part of keeping a relationship healthy is communication. When issues arise, they must be addressed head-on, with clearly spoken words and a mutual understanding of what’s being said.

There must be a give-and-take so that everyone’s needs are met and that both people feel safe and secure in the relationship.

Relationships that end usually involve people who can no longer communicate. They aren’t able to talk about their feelings and they aren’t able to listen to others talk about theirs.

They’re not able to address issues and so they fester. If you’re in a relationship without communication, one where you don’t feel safe sharing how you feel, then it might be time to let go of the relationship and move forward.

2. You’re getting mixed messages

Is your person alternating hot and cold? Some days, they seem like their loving self. But, on other days, they’re crabby and distant and no fun to be with.

Are they in one moment kind and loving, and then another dismissive and condescending? Do they disappear only to reappear with lame excuses? Is the way they’re treating you now very different from the way they treated you in the beginning?

People who are “all in” in a relationship don’t give you mixed messages. Of course, no one is perfect and there will be moments of anger and impatience and harsh words.

But people in healthy relationships generally treat each other with respect. They are consistent with their feelings and honest about their behaviors. If your person makes you feel constantly off-kilter and anxious, it’s a sign that it might be time to let them go.

3. Does history keep repeating itself

Are you and your person stuck in a cycle of good and bad, up and down, highs and lows? Are there days when things feel almost like they used to, and then days when things are so bad that you want to cry? Does your person tell you that they need space and then disappear, only to reappear a few weeks later telling you how much they miss you?

Do you fight over the same subjects over and over? Do you live constantly with the hope that things will change but they never do, no matter how hard either one or both of you try?

If you find yourself in these kinds of patterns, where things are never constantly good but rather a roller coaster of emotions that’s sucking you dry, then it’s time to break up with someone who makes you feel that way and move on.

4. Are you staying for the wrong reasons?

Be honest. Do you sometimes think that you just can’t let this person go because you believe that if you do, you will never love or be loved again? Does the prospect of going back to online dating or thinking that you might have to attend the Christmas party alone make you feel nothing but dread? Perhaps, you feel like you have so much time invested in this person and you don’t believe in giving up?

Are you staying because you know that your person could change if you just loved them enough? If you’re staying for any reason other than the fact that you love them and are happy with who they are right now, then you’re staying for the wrong reasons.

Know that you will only find the love and happiness you seek by letting of someone who’s wrong for you. In this way, you can move forward and find someone who will love you the way you want to be loved.

5. You don’t have a life of your own

Both sides of a relationship mustn’t be completely reliant on the other for their happiness. I have a client whose whole life has revolved around her husband.

He insists that she wake up with him, make him breakfast, get him off to work, clean the house after he’s gone, bring him lunch at work, make dinner for when he comes home, and watch what he wants to watch every night.

She’s been forced to turn her back on everyone in her life so that her husband can be happy. She tells herself that she’s happy because he’s happy but she isn’t. She doesn’t feel good about who she is in the world. She has no self-confidence and no dreams for the future.

All she has is her husband and a life that’s making her miserable. Make sure that when you’re in a relationship, you have a lot of things in your life outside of it.

Make sure you have a job or a hobby that you love. Make sure that you have friends you can play with. Make sure that you spend time by yourself so that you’re comfortable being alone.

Make sure that you’re making choices for how you want to live your life and that you’re not being controlled by your partner. If you’ve lost yourself and your life is out of your control, perhaps it’s time to break up with someone who has made it that way.

You don’t have to stay in a miserable relationship. You’re suspecting deep down that your current relationship will only make you miserable. But, it’s hard to admit this and even harder to let go.

Your mental health and the health of your future love life need to pay close attention to whether this relationship can ever make you happy.

I can promise you that holding on to someone whose attentions are inconsistent, in a relationship where toxic patterns are repeated and one in which you have no control will only prevent you from finding the person who can love you the way that you want to be loved! You can do this! I promise.

A new dating app has been launched for members of the Winners chapel across the globe.
 
With thousands of members in different countries, the platform opens the opportunity for a global singles network.
 
The app will also give the church one of the biggest databases of their single members and an opportunity to send tailored messages and host online events.
 
The app is not for profit and space is limited.
 
Members will no longer have the need to join other dating platforms. Relationship and marriage is a journey and you need a God fearing partner.

The app was designed by TheSinglesNet UK, a group of IT professionals who are creating and handing over singles platforms to big ministries around the world.

A gift to the ministries as each platform cost tens of thousands of dollars to develop and manage.

The vision is for every big ministry to have their own dedicated singles platform, instead of having their members on other dating apps where some may meet people who would truncate their God’s given assignment.
 
The group also plans to use the platforms to raise money for the ministries as extra profits from the platform would be handed to the church.
 
The app is the first of its kind but unfortunately space is limited to ensure only the right people are on the app.

Are you in a toxic relationship you know you should leave but are wondering why you can’t stay away from each other? Why, despite the hurt and the anger, is breaking up just impossible?

So many people get in this position where, despite being miserable, they hold on, stuck in the cycle of suffering.

Why do you do that? For many reasons. Knowing why might help you finally realize that you can let go of someone and get on with your life. So, why can’t you stay away from each other?

Here are 5 reasons why toxic partners can’t stay away from each other, even if you’re both miserable:

1. You miss those moments of happiness

You know what I’m talking about — those moments when everything is great. Perhaps it’s watching the kids open their Christmas presents, uniting against difficult in-laws, or simply enjoying a sunset together. Those moments bring you back to where you were at the beginning of your relationship when you were a team and loved each other. Those moments are very potent ones.

They are moments that make you pause and wonder if breaking up is a good idea, or if perhaps there isn’t hope that you can work things out. They make you wonder if you could ever have moments like this with anyone else. And those moments of happiness are wonderful. But they are just moments, aren’t they? Moments in the middle of the misery you are both living with. So, yes, appreciate those moments, but ask yourself if those moments are worth it.

2. You don’t want to give up

I hear this from so many of my clients: “I am not a quitter.” And I can appreciate that. No one wants to give up on anything, especially something as important as a relationship. So, they hold on believing that perhaps even by sheer force of will, if they don’t give up, all will be fine. What I tell my clients is that both partners in a relationship must be fighting to keep the relationship — it’s not a one-sided effort.

Many of my clients give and give and give in the face of misery, hoping that their person will just love them again and that their lives together can be happy and not horrible. But if their person isn’t trying in return, there’s no fight to fight. Giving up might be the only option. Remember, giving up is okay. Sometimes there is nothing that can be done to save a relationship and throwing in the towel doesn’t mean failure. It means that you’re strong enough to let go of something that is making everyone miserable and move forward toward happiness and love.

3. You miss your habits and traditions

It seems basic, but one of the reasons that you can’t stay away from each other is because of your habits and traditions. When I was considering leaving my husband because we were both miserable, it was the small things that kept me from doing so.

The thoughts of no more Friday night videos, Caribbean Christmases, summer visits to my mom, and sharing carpool duties were enough to paralyze me into staying.

I couldn’t imagine there being any change in the things that we had been doing for decades. Are there things that you and your partner have always done together that seem impossible to let go of? Whether they are big or small, they are often enough to keep you from leaving. I can tell you this: 10 years after my divorce, I have someone else to watch Friday night movies with. Also, my kids and I have kept up the tradition of Caribbean Christmases and summer visits to my mom’s. And somehow, everyone seems to get where they need to be, even though we are no longer married. So, don’t let habits keep you in something that is making you miserable. Life is too short!

4. Fear of pain

Many people don’t realize that one of the reasons that they don’t make changes — whether it’s leaving a relationship, moving to another town, or changing jobs — is because they are afraid of the feeling of pain that might result.

Our bodies are hardwired to avoid and fear pain — it’s a matter of survival to do so. So, when you’re faced with something potentially painful, like the loss of a relationship, you shut down.

Our brains do whatever they can to stop the pain from coming. Think about where you are right now. Is your head full of all sorts of competing thoughts? “Do I stay or do I go? What happens if I do? Will I ever be loved again? What about the kids?” The thoughts go round and round and round, and you are exhausted and left searching the internet for answers.

That’s your brain, sabotaging you from taking a step that might cause you pain. And it’s a very effective tool because the confusion shuts you down from taking action unless you can push through it. So, recognize that your fear of pain is probably a big reason why you just can’t leave.

5. You miss the physical attraction

Many of my clients who are in unhappy relationships still have really good love lives. Perhaps it’s the drama of their situation or perhaps it’s a chemistry that has never faded since the beginning. Whatever it is, that attraction is real and important and hard to walk away from. And when the intimacy is that good, it’s like those little moments — it makes it hard to rationalize walking away. If the intimacy is amazing, the relationship must be salvageable, right?

Unfortunately, chemistry and healthy relationships don’t always go hand-in-hand. Some people have good intimacy and just can’t agree on anything else. Conversely, some people are madly in love but their intimate life is a struggle. It’s very frustrating. Like pain, intimacy is a primal thing — something that helps keep you alive and propagates the species.

The prospect of giving it up can be terrifying and the fear that you will never feel so good, intimately, again is enough to stop us from walking away from someone who makes you miserable. Knowing why you can’t stay away from each other, even though you are miserable, is the key to doing so.

If you know that when those little moments or the chemistry pops up and makes you question everything, it’s important to consider if they are enough to change things, to make you happy.

If you worry about having to do things differently or are scared of letting go, ask yourself if you could adapt, if you could ride through any pain, if it means finding love.

Don’t stay with the wrong person even a moment more. Your love is out there waiting — don’t make them wait much longer!

Science tells us it’s human nature to question why something happened after the fact; hindsight being 20/20.

So often we hear our clients ask us in despair: “How come I didn’t see this?” The short answer is the ego.

The ego has a vast arsenal of defense mechanisms, ready to jump in and override the best-intentioned gut. Most times, we don’t want to see the red flags or listen to naysayers.

We just want to push forward to make the square peg fit into the round hole. Our ego drives this behavior and gets us into messy interactions with our spouse, significant other, siblings, friends, and co-workers.

From our research, we discovered 5 common themes that point to causes and signs of a toxic relationship, and it’s not worth trying to fit that square peg into the round hole.

Here are 5 early warning signs of a toxic relationship:

1. You’re not well-suited

For example, some people — who’ve grown up in an environment where conflict is embraced — love to continue the drama and conflict in their interpersonal relationships.

If they are with a conflict avoider, they are not too concerned, as they are adept at creating a conflict out of thin air. Their reward is a serotonin boost. One of the things we share with all of our clients with whom we consult is to first have them know themselves well. Then learn about the other. 

2. You have unresolved issues and/or mental health challenges

If relationships are like a house, people move their former “boxes” of life experiences — their stories (of abandonment, abuse, attachment, etc.) — and dump them into the new house. At first, the boxes of baggage may be unopened in the attic or basement, but eventually, that box will be opened and the contents will be revealed in the family room. Or even at the holiday dining room table.

3. There is a breakdown in communication

You both have allowed life to get in the way. You have allowed your relationship to become under-attended, under-nourished, and under-cherished. Fear and lack of knowing what to do hold you hostage to productively move forward.

4. One of you is a dominance manipulator while the other is vulnerable and blindly trusting

This results in the lack of emotional and mental objectivity to scrutinize the schmoozing, charismatic person. The schmoozer criticizes and blames the other, with no accountability on their part.

The blamed party either retreats into feelings of shame and guilt or becomes an over-achieving cheerleader who ramps up their game to please their partner. Or both. Like shifting debris on a breezy mountain ledge, the criticized person’s identity slowly erodes.

5. One of you has commitment phobia

When a person in the relationship is not willing to be all in. Trust and abandonment concerns usually drive this fear. People who have been burned in the past cannot embrace vulnerability and open-hearted exposure. Their thought is: “If I am not fully invested in this relationship when it ends, I won’t feel so badly.”

The premise going in is that the relationship is short-lived. Once again, the ego will be protected (“I was right! I knew they’d break up with me”) but the heart loses.

The ego wants to be right; the heart wants to feel good. You can’t have it both ways. In other words, feeding the ego is fear-based; feeding the heart is courage-based. Courage is heart-centric, dating back to its root meaning (“our”) in Latin and French.

Here are 5 signs that say that you need to be aware of your toxic relationship, and protect yourself:

1. Loneliness, change, and illness

Examine inner and outer thoughts, feelings, and behavior. People enter into a toxic relationship for a variety of reasons: fear of being alone is one of them. The longevity of the relationship influences and determines their decision-making; some are not willing to give up on their investment of time and energy. They hear horrific stories of current dating life and are terrified of being alone.

Being with someone, although unhealthy, is better than no one. To protect yourself, do a gut check: Is your fear of being alone greater than being in a [toxic] relationship? Second, are you a fixer? Many people entertain erroneous beliefs that the other person will grow, mature, change, evolve, and see the light. Rarely happens.

Ask yourself, “Why do I want to change this person?” or “Why does this person want to change me?” To protect yourself from either being a fixer or the “fixee”, get out of the emotions and into your head to sort out a logical rationale for both reality and expectations. Write. It. Down.

Lastly, you begin to notice that your once healthy self, is suddenly getting the flu, a cold, gastrointestinal issues, bronchitis, or muscle strain. The body notification is a wonderful gift to you to pay attention to what is going on with the other two parts of your mind-body-spirit life trifecta. If you feel sick or are in physical pain, the mind and spirit need an immediate trip to the figurative ER.

2. Isolation

You have a pit in your stomach, and you can’t get rid of it. Little by little your partner distances you from your tribe: your family members, your friends, and even co-workers. You can’t pinpoint exactly when it happened, but suddenly you no longer see your friends. Your partner has chiseled away at you to alienate them, maybe even criticizing your BFF — “Do you ever notice how annoying her laugh is? Your sister is not very nice to me.”

Another sign to look for is if your partner wants you to be removed from civilization as you know it; tucked away in some remote location — “Let’s move to that teeny farmhouse in the country. I’ll set up a little office for you; you can work from home and avoid a rough commute.” Is there a hidden motive? Check it out.

3. Distractions prevail in your important relationships

Devices occupy 90 percent of your focus. You lose interest in talking to one another. You only want to go out if others will be there too because you need the emotional attachment and security to give you a sense of belonging and connection.

Your conversations are superficial, riddled with a sarcastic drip. Intimacy, including making love, has declined or disappeared. And “gunnysacking” occurs. For example, imagine a burlap bag filled with all of the issues, challenges, conflicts, and grievances you have with this other person. Each time there is a new obstacle, one or both of you open the bag and dump out all of the past conflicts.

Gunnysacking ensures that there is no resolution — no moving forward productively. Use this communication tool to jumpstart a heart-healthy conversation daily — even for you — if your partner is not willing — to support and educate yourself in all of your relationships.

4. You find control freaks and narcissistic behavior attracted to you

You are immediately drawn to this charismatic person who lavishes you with attention, gifts, and pleasurable experiences. They ask you to share everything about yourself. You are happy to spill your life story and pour your heart out. Your partner listens attentively and slowly starts to reel you in. When they do tell you about themselves, some of what they say (if not all) is riddled with half-truths and lies.

People who dominate usually prey on people who are gullible, vulnerable, and very trusting. If you have this tendency to openly trust, know it, own it, and most importantly, master the art of discernment. Heed family and friends’ concerns when they say, “I don’t know…there’s just something about them that isn’t right.”

5. A lack of “All in-ness”

Small “r”, gift-giving, imagination, pets, tiptoed friends, and sparkle — all of these six signs point to a lack of “All in-ness” and commitment. You have a growing resentment, with a lowercase “r” — not too big that you see the red in the flag but just enough that you recognize it as a flag.

A second sign that you need to be aware of to protect yourself is if gift-giving makes you groan. You wait until the last minute to get them a gift, and you most certainly buy a Hallmark card with gooey sentiments, because you can’t come up with anything on your own. Or you are a recipient of such a gift or card.

The third sign you need to recognize is if you cannot imagine a future with this person. You plan no trips; excuses are made — “We can’t afford it. Who will watch the kids or pets? I want to go to the beach, and you want to ski. I can’t take off work.” Almost all things are possible in a committed relationship with two willing people to make it work.

A fourth indicator that you need to spot is if you or your partner have to have two large Labradors sleep between you because they bring you more peace and comfort. Get dog beds.

A fifth signal that you need to pay attention to is if family and friends begin to walk on eggshells around you. Some make trite conversation with you. You and your college roommate no longer share deep conversational sessions. Bold ones may ask: “Is everything okay with you?” Embrace their tiptoed behavior and even direct questions with the opportunity to look at your relationship.

Lastly, you’ve lost your sparkle. Pull out old happy photos of you and compare them to ones on social media. Have your glistening eyes been replaced with zombie eyes?

The solution to all of these is to reach out to a friend, a consultant, or even a journal to get confirmation. “Am I not seeing what I am supposed to see? Am I all in? Are they all in?”

The signs are always there. Pause to allow your mind, heart, and body to work together to inform you in all of your interpersonal relationships because we believe a heart-healthy relationship doesn’t need protection.

I was nervous about moving out from my parent’s house to my own apartment since I had to start a new life.

I didn’t know anyone at the new place and being an introvert, I struggled to make new friends. However, I had one thing working for me – my looks.

I would get noticed and approached by a lot of girls so at least I had some kind of social life. This is how I met my girlfriend and fell madly in love with her. Mandy was a shy girl just like me.

In fact, it was her friend who introduced us. So, the last thing I ever expected was that she was on Onlyfans.

However, she was extremely beautiful with a body that would make anyone look twice. Whenever we walked together, people would turn to look at her and she would simply flash her shy smile.

She didn’t like to go out much because of all the unwanted attention and preferred going out at night. During the day, she spent her time in the house.

At the beginning of our relationship, she would only come to visit me. I didn’t even know where she lived until our mutual friend took me to her apartment.

“Why is he here?” I overheard her saying.

“Don’t worry. He’s your boyfriend and he needs to know where you live.”

In hindsight, I think her friend wanted me to know that my girlfriend was on Onlyfans and that was how she earned her money.

Nothing seemed out of the ordinary at her place. In fact, she seemed to be a bookworm judging from the shelf full of books.

“You read a lot?” I asked.

“Yeah. I love reading.” She answered, still a little angry.

“That’s great. I wouldn’t have thought that about you.”

“Why? Do I look dumb?”

“Most girls don’t like reading.”

“I’m not like most girls.”

She definitely wasn’t like most girls. Apart from her beauty, Mandy was unique in many other ways. Whenever we went out, she never drank. She wasn’t on social media and now, I found out that she loved to read. I kept learning new things about her that made me love her more.

After finding out where she lived, I became a frequent visitor. However, I would notice that she always wanted me to leave as soon as I got to her place. There was even a time that she lied she wasn’t at her place but I could hear her voice inside. I thought this was strange but brushed it off since she said she was an introvert and enjoyed her alone time.

One day when we were spending time together, I saw a notification on her phone from Onlyfans. I knew what Onlyfans was but I didn’t think that she did since she didn’t even have any social media accounts or so I thought.

“Are you on Onlyfans?” I asked as she picked up her phone.

She didn’t expect the question which made her confused. However, she kept cool and simply shook her head denying it.

“Why are you getting notifications?” I asked.

“I don’t know.” She replied and dismissed any further inquiries.

I trusted Mandy so whatever she said I took it as the truth. Besides, I had no reason to be suspicious of her. Being on Onlyfans was the last thing I would expect from her.

Just like that, I let go of the issue and forgot about it. However, a couple of weeks later, I would find more things that raised my suspicion.

By now, we had become really close and she let me spend the night at her place. While she was showering, I wanted to charge my phone and after asking her for a charger without a response, I decided to look for one. I opened drawer after drawer but they were all filled with her clothes. Then I opened the drawer on her side of the bed and I instantly regretted it.

The drawer was filled with all kinds of sex toys and Polaroid pictures of Mandy naked. I was afraid to touch them since I didn’t know what they were about. However, I decided to get to the bottom of everything once and for all. From the Onlyfans notifications to this, I knew something was not right.

Mandy came out of the shower and noticed that the drawer was open.

“What are you doing?” She asked running to close it.

“I could ask you the same question. I need the truth, Mandy. Are you on Onlyfans?”

“Yea, and so what?” She answered so nonchalantly.

“Don’t you think you should have told me before?”

“No, it’s a job just like any other.”

“No, it’s not. You’re exposing yourself to everybody. God knows who has seen your naked pictures and it’s only a matter of time before they surface on social media.”

“Oh please, stop lecturing me. You sound like such an old man.” She said then laughed.

“I need you to take down your Onlyfans account or we’re over.”

“Will you give me the money that I make every day?”

“How much do you make?”

“More than thirty thousand a day.”

I was quiet. Of course, I couldn’t give her that money daily. I couldn’t even give her the amount every month.

“I thought so. If you can’t give me that amount, don’t tell me how to live my life.” She said.

Somehow, my attraction towards her instantly disappeared. I had fallen in love with the shy bookworm and now, I found out that she was showing off her naked body and she was also very rude and carefree about it. It was a bit too much for me. I didn’t sign up to date Mia Khalifa so I had to end the relationship.

I questioned a lot of things about her and the more I thought about it the more things made sense. It made sense why she didn’t want to hang out with me for too long or why she didn’t want me to know where she lived.

Anyway, I’m not one to judge and if she had told me she was on Onlyfans from the beginning, I would have understood. However, she made me think she was someone who she was not. That ruined the whole relationship.

Lady Rev. Dr. Nana Yaa Prempeh, who heads Authority Bible Church has urged women to agree to marry a man when they have seen his manhood.

“I want to caution women against assuming that a man’s physical build correlates with the quality of his p3nis. Size doesn’t always indicate satisfaction. Before marrying a man, you must see his p3nis, feel it and ascertain its functionality” she charged.

Rev. Prempeh clarified that, this doesn’t imply premarital sex but rather informed decision-making to prevent future marital discord.

“I never advocate for premarital sex… It’s about making an informed choice to prevent divorce” she explained.

Watch video below:

“I am of the women of God who think that before you marry a man you must see his pen!s, you must feel it and hold it and make sure it’s working”

Do you agree with her or not? pic.twitter.com/zGC4pxaBAX

— 𝐒𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐩𝐒𝐡𝐨𝐨𝐭𝐞𝐫 (@Oscarnuwati) February 15, 2024

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Public proposals can be the epitome of romance, capturing the dream of a shared future in front of an audience that cheers you on.

Things you should know before you propose in public [733 by the sea]

However, the stakes are high, and the pressure can be intense. Before you decide to bend the knee in a crowded place, there are crucial aspects about your partner and your relationship that you need to be crystal clear about.

Here are 4 essential things to consider ensuring your grand gesture doesn’t turn into a public spectacle for the wrong reasons.

Does she feel the same?

Understanding mutual intentions

First things first, are you both on the same page about your future together? A public proposal is not just a declaration of love; it’s a question that expects a “yes.”

Ensure you’ve had discussions about your future and that you’re confident she’s ready to take this step with you.

Nothing spells disaster like a public rejection, which can be mortifying for both parties involved.

Is she comfortable with public displays?

Public vs. private personalities

Not everyone enjoys the spotlight. While some revel in public gestures of love, others may find them overwhelming or embarrassing.

Understanding your partner’s preferences is key to planning the right kind of proposal. If she’s the type who cherishes privacy, a quiet, intimate setting might be more appreciated than a flash mob or a jumbotron proposal.

Know if your partner is prepared

Timing and readiness

Love is crucial, but timing is equally important. Your partner might love you deeply but might not be ready for marriage due to personal or professional reasons.

Gauge her readiness by observing her life goals, career aspirations, and personal milestones. A proposal should not feel like an ambush but a natural next step in your relationship.

Know if her family approves of you

Seeking approval

While it’s not a deal-breaker for everyone, knowing whether her family approves of you can significantly impact the dynamics of your proposal.

In cultures where family opinion holds weight, seeking their blessing beforehand can smooth the path for your relationship. It shows respect and consideration for her background and values.

A public proposal is a grand gesture of love and commitment. Yet, its success hinges on more than just the element of surprise or the grandeur of the moment.

It requires deep knowledge of your partner’s feelings, preferences, readiness, and familial relationships.

Armed with this understanding, you’re more likely to turn your public declaration of love into a cherished memory rather than an awkward story.

Remember, the goal is to celebrate your love in a way that feels true to both of you, ensuring the moment is as beautiful as the intention behind it.

In an intimate setting at the renowned Flavours restaurant in Ho, couples and singles alike gathered to share not only delectable dishes but also chilling tales of friendship, relationships, and marriage on Valentine’s Day.

As candlelight flickered across the room, conversations veered from the lighthearted to the profound, offering a glimpse into the complex dynamics of human connections.

Amidst the diners, couples nestled close, exchanging tender glances and affectionate gestures. For some, their stories painted a picture of enduring love and unwavering commitment, while others shared tales of heartbreak and lessons learned.

“I never imagined finding someone who understands me so deeply,” remarked Kwame Mensah, 34, as he lovingly gazed at his wife of five years, Aku. “But it hasn’t always been easy. We’ve faced our fair share of challenges, but our bond has only grown stronger.”

Conversely, across the room, singles engaged in animated discussions, sharing their perspectives on navigating the complexities of modern dating and the pursuit of genuine connections.

“I’ve had my heart broken more times than I care to admit,” confessed Amenuveve, 28, with a wistful smile. “But each experience has taught me something valuable about myself and what I truly want in a partner. I refuse to settle for anything less than authentic love.”

The CEO of Flavours Restaurant, Mrs Jenifer Gudor, said for some, the evening served as a poignant reminder of the importance of cherishing the relationships we hold dear, while for others, it offered a glimmer of hope in the quest for companionship.

Mrs Jenifer Gudor noted that amidst the laughter and heartfelt conversations, a sense of camaraderie permeated the atmosphere, bridging the gap between couples and singles as they bonded over shared experiences and mutual understanding in a serene environment with live band music giving them the best of Ghanaian songs.

As the night drew to a close and the last traces of dessert were savoured, one sentiment resonated among the diners—the enduring power of love and the profound impact it has on our lives, whether as couples or singles navigating the journey of the heart.

Chocolate, strawberries, oysters: we’ve all heard that certain foods can heighten our sexual desire and even performance. But is there any truth to the claims?

Named after Aphrodite, the Greek goddess of love, aphrodisiacs are said to increase libido, potency, and sexual pleasure.

Who hasn’t heard that chocolates, strawberries and oysters can have such a powerful effect? Historically, aphrodisiacs have included even quirkier edibles – including the toxic Spanish fly, ground rhinoceros and rare plant extracts.

In fact, during research for her book Intercourses, co-author Martha Hopkins found that almost every food has been considered an aphrodisiac at one time.

“Historically, foods considered to be aphrodisiacs were hard to find, rare or expensive, like truffles, foie gras and caviar, or shaped like a sex organ, like asparagus or artichokes, and even animal testicles,” Hopkins says.

While we tend to think of aphrodisiacs in terms of lust, romance and libido, in the 17th Century – when everything from pigeons to almonds to parsnips were considered aphrodisiacs – they were associated with reproduction and fertility and given to married couples as more of a medical substance, says Jennifer Evans, senior lecturer in history at the University of Hertfordshire who researches the history of food and fertility.

But can any food really affect sexual desire and performance? And why is the idea so persistent?

Certain foods can help in a similar way to Viagra medication – by relaxing blood vessels and improving blood flow to the genitals.

Aphrodisiac foods: fact or fiction?

For those who have problems with their circulation, it’s true that certain foods can help in a similar way to Viagra medication – by relaxing blood vessels and improving blood flow to the genitals.

The amino acid L-arginine, found in foods such as pumpkins, walnuts and beef, is converted to nitric oxide in the body, which increases blood flow. So do foods high in omega 3 fatty acids, including salmon and avocado. Another helper is quercetin.

Found in apples, berries, grapes, red wine, garlic and dark chocolate, quercetin has anti-inflammatory properties that can improve blood flow.

However, only people with compromised blood flow will see any improvements to sexual function by eating these foods, says Lauri Wright, spokesperson for the US Academy of Nutrition and Dietetics. Someone with good circulation isn’t likely to see any changes.

When most of us think of aphrodisiacs, though, we don’t think about sexual function, but desire.

One food that’s long been believed to heighten sexual desire is chocolate. Studies have shown that cocoa can increase blood flow in parts of our body beyond our torso. But when its direct relationship with sexual desire was studied, there was no evidence found to support its use as an aphrodisiac.

In fact, one observational study from 2021 found the opposite. Researchers asked 700 people about their interest in sex and their chocolate consumption. It found that women who ate chocolate more often also reported having less interest in sex. They controlled for other possible reasons for low sex drive or high chocolate consumption, including low mood, blood pressure and calorie intake. The results, they suggest, indicate that eating chocolate might act as a substitute for sex by stimulating the production of neurotransmitters serotonin and dopamine, which both also play a role in our sexual responses.

In fact, no evidence has been found proving that any one food heightens sexual arousal or desire.

There is one exception: alcohol. A number of small studies have shown alcohol consumption is linked to arousal. But it can also impede sexual performance.

Red wine in particular may be indirectly linked to sexual function because of its potential benefits to heart health, says Michael Krychman, obstetrician, gynaecologist and a clinical sexual counsellor at the Southern California Center for Sexual Health and Survivorship Medicine.

A 2022 review of more than 50 population-based studies concluded that up to four servings of red wine per week was associated with a lower risk of cardiovascular death compared to beer and spirits.

However, as the researchers explained, there are many other confounding factors that might explain this relationship. Overall, the link between red wine and cardiovascular health remains inconclusive.

How lifestyle and diet can boost your sex life

Wine’s reputation as an aphrodisiac also may come from the fact that it’s part of the Mediterranean diet, defined as consisting primarily of plant-based foods such as fruits, vegetables, wholegrains, legumes and nuts, fish and olive oil and being relatively low in sugar, cheese and meat.

More of a lifestyle than a single food, the Mediterranean diet may have aphrodisiac qualities.

“Research has found that red wine affects sexual function, but we don’t know if it’s the diet, or a combination of diet, lifestyle and genetics,” Krychman says. “What we do know is that, for people who exercise, have a healthy diet and lower stress, all these elements work together and they have better sex lives.”

Our overall diet can work as an aphrodisiac through benefits like improved blood flow, increased hormones or elevated mood, says Wright.

One study involving 600 women with type two diabetes found that the Mediterranean diet was linked to lower levels of sexual dysfunction, while another study concluded the diet may also be associated with an improvement of erectile dysfunction.

“The bottom line is that a healthy diet of seafood, lean meats, nuts, fruit, vegetables and wholegrains, which is basically the Mediterranean diet, helps support nerve function and supports blood flow and hormones,” Wright says.

We stuff ourselves on Thanksgiving, wear ugly sweaters come Christmas-time, and ring in the New Year with a champagne toast. That’s just how it’s done.

Similarly, ever since most of us were in pre-kindergarten, we celebrated Valentine’s Day by exchanging heart-shaped gifts and cards, red or pink flowers and chocolate (preferably from that someone special) have marked our celebrations of Valentine’s Day.

While your days spent sorting those little cardboard, Disney princess-themed valentines may be over, there are many things we expect every year on February 14 without giving much thought to the history or origins of these traditions and their associated symbols of love.

Knowledge is power (and fun facts are, well, fun).

Here’s the history of Valentine’s Day, including the origins of the most popular traditions, symbols and gifts associated with love, St. Valentine, Cupid and Lupercalia.

The Real History And Origins Of Valentine’s Day

Valentine’s Day began as a minor feast day honoring two Christian martyrs named Saint Valentine.

In 496 AD, Pope Gelasius I in AD 496 decalred February 14 should be known as the Feast of Saint Valentine of Rome.

The future St. Valentine, a Roman citizen named Valentinus was jailed and sentenced to death after “Roman Emperor Claudius ordered all Romans to worship twelve gods, and told them they couldn’t talk about Jesus or they would be killed,” for Valentinus “loved Jesus Christ and could not be quiet about this love.”

Legend has it that while imprisoned, the jailer brought his blind daughter, Julia, to Valentinus for lessons. Over the course of his teachings, Valentinus taught Julia about prayer and belief in God, leading her to pray for — and then actually receive — the ability to see.

Following his execution, Julia is believed to have planted a pink-blossomed almond tree near his grave. For this reason, the almond tree and it’s light pink flowers are now considered “a legendary symbol of abiding love and friendship.”

In addition to pink, the association between Valentine’s Day and the colors red and white also originates within the Catholic Church.

Red, representing “red tongues of fire” and the blood of Christ and martyrs, is a symbol of passion.

White represents “purity, holiness, and virtue, as well as respect and reverence” — all of which are associated with what many perceive as the highest forms of love.

The origins of Valentine’s Day may date back even farther to the ancient pagain feast of Lupercalia.

There are many who believe Valentine’s Day originally originated, at least in part, in pagan customs involving animal sacrifice and fertility rituals.

As explained on NPR, “From February 13 to 15, the Romans celebrated the feast of Lupercalia. The men sacrificed a goat and a dog, then whipped women with the hides of the animals they had just slain.”

In the 5th century, Pope Gelasius I managed to abolish the wild-and-crazy pagan feasts by combining them with their own, more civilized holiday… honoring “two men — both named Valentine — [executed] on February 14 of different years in the 3rd century A.D.”

The Pope allowed one pagan ritual to remain, however — the one where young, unmarried men drew the names of young, unmarried women out of a box at random to be matched … um … romantically.

Being the Roman Catholic Church, though, they substituted the names of saints for the names of unmarried girls, and instead of sending them off to mate, the young folks were told to emulate the saint whose name they drew.

**Whomp whomp**

As you can imagine, virile Roman males weren’t particularly excited about this reimagining of the tradition. In its place, they established their own custom of sending written greetings of affection, likely the first Valentine’s Day cards, to the young ladies’ they fancied.

Written “valentines” began appearing en masse after 1400, around the time the printing press was invented.

We can thank Mayan and Aztec cultures for Valentine’s Day chocolates.

Many now consider chocolate an aphrodisiac, as it contains an endorphin called phenylethylamine, levels of which in the brain have been linked to falling in love.

But chocolate has been considered precious since the days of the Mayans, who believed it to have spiritual and healing properties, calling it “the food of the gods.”

After conquering the Mayan people, Aztec King Montezuma was reportedly known to drink 50 cups of cocoa a day, and an extra one when he was going to meet a lady friend.

Further, because of its stimulating effects, Aztec women are said to have been forbidden to drink it themselves.

King Charles of Sweden popularized roses as symbols of love in the early 1700s.

February 14 is like Black Friday for florists, with Valentine’s Day ranking as the number one holiday for floral purchases, second only to Christmas and Chanukah in dollars spent.

But why are flowers associated with love?

In the early 1700’s, King Charles II of Sweden brought the Persian poetical art known as the language of flowers, or floriography, to Europe from its roots in ancient Greek, Roman, Egyptian and Chinese culture. For the next century or so, most Victorian homes contained floral dictionaries, which listed the symbolic meanings of different flowers people used to convey a wide variety of hidden messages to one another.

As symbols of romantic love, roses became linked with Valentine’s Day.

Even more specifically, the colors of roses given to your Valentine can relay these additionally nuanced meanings.

List of Rose Color Meanings

White roses: purity, innocence, reverence, a new beginning, a fresh start

Red roses: love, I love you

Deep, dark crimson rose: mourning

Pink rose: grace, happiness, gentleness

Yellow rose: joy, friendship, the promise of a new beginning

Orange rose: desire and enthusiasm

Lavender rose: love at first sight

Coral rose: friendship, modesty, sympathy

As the Roman god of God of desire, erotic love, attraction, and affection, Cupid is one of the most common symbols of love on Valentine’s Day.

The mischievous winged cherub is the son of Venus, the Roman Goddess of Love.

Cupid is derived from the Latin word “cupido” meaning “desire” — which your lover should be bursting with on V-Day after you’ve bestowed them with the aforementioned gifts.

According to legend, “Cupid shoots magical gold-tipped arrows at gods and humans alike. By piercing their heart with an arrow, he causes individuals to fall deeply in love.”

Be wary about that cubby flying baby, though. According to some other legends, “Cupid is known to change his mind a lot. Not only does he carry golden arrows to make someone fall in love, but he also carries another kind of arrow. This other arrow has a blunt lead tip that makes people fall out of love.”

Ouch.

There you have it. Now all you cynics know that Valentine’s Day wasn’t actually invented by greeting card and chocolate companies.

As biological anthropologist Dr. Helen Fisher told NPR, “This isn’t a command performance. If people didn’t want to buy Hallmark cards, they would not be bought, and Hallmark would go out of business.”

We’ve been celebrating it pretty much the same way for centuries — with cards, chocolates, flowers, presents, and heaps of either love or bitterness, whichever side of the relationship status aisle you’re currently on.

Professor Scott M. Stanley, a research professor and co-director of the Center for Marital and Family Studies at the University of Denver, has said “A young couple marrying for the first time today has a lifetime divorce risk of 40 percent unless current trends change significantly.”

For me, the keyword in this statement is the term “trend.” A divorce rate of 4 out of 10 is just unnecessarily high and we, as a society need to figure out ways to lower it.

As a Master Certified Relationship Coach, I want to use my Conscious Dating Programs to help create a “trend” to make people better daters and do just that.

At the heart of almost all poor relationships (especially the ones that lead to divorce) is the fact that too many people ignore the relationship’s “red flags”. The things that are wrong with the partner or the relationship itself.

These red flags are generally easy to spot if you know what you are looking for, but it’s the not accepting them part that leads to removing yourself from the relationship that is the real skill.

Below is a list of my top 10 red flags that you should look out for, and if possible avoid, in all of your relationships.

Here are 10 signs he is so wrong for you on all levels:

1. Lack of communication

The foundation of a quality relationship is the ability for you and your partner to have an open dialogue when it comes to letting each other know each other’s thoughts as a way to problem-solve most relationship issues. If your partner fails to have basic communication skills, then conflicts rarely are resolved and your wants and needs in the relationship are unlikely to ever be met.

2. Lack of trust

Few relationships can recover from this red flag, as it is the cornerstone of almost any committed relationship. Trust can be lost because of things like cheating, lies, or abuse, and once it’s gone, it’s nearly impossible to get it back.

3. Actions don’t match his words

This is one red flag that I find few people pay attention to. As the titles indicate, this happens when your partner says they will do something (or won’t do something) and the preceding action does NOT correspond with those words.

These might be simple things, like saying they will call you back shortly and never do, or something larger like saying they won’t talk to an ex anymore, yet continue to do so.

The important thing is to pay attention to the words/action correlation and if patterns of mismatch occur you’re entering the flag-raising territory.

4. Significant family and friends don’t like him

I know some of you reading this may shrug this one off, reasoning this is your life, not theirs, isn’t it? The fact remains that when significant others in your life don’t like your partner for whatever reason, they generally have your best interest at heart.

I agree, that you don’t have to take unwanted dating advice, but when it comes to red flags, if you see family and friends pointing into some blowing in the wind, you should turn and pay attention.

5. Controlling or abusive behavior

This may be the easiest red flag of the bunch to see if you are on the other end of the abhorrent behavior. My best advice to those who see even small signs of this kind of behavior early on in a relationship is to NOT accept it and quickly move on.

6. No resolution from past relationships

Real behavioral changes for any person take lots of work, so if your partner (or even date) has tumultuous relationships with numerous family members, multiple exes, and/or has lots of conflicts with people around them, then it’s fair to assume they have conflict-resolution issues. And without self-help work in this area conflict will invariably seep its way in any future relationship with them.

7. You’re not a priority or your priority level drops 

Being treated as a priority by a partner (and my husband does!) has always been a must-have. New dating excitement can indeed skew the levels as they tend to be higher early in relationships, but simple signs like significant changes in the amount or types of thoughtful acts (i.e. gift giving) or the volume of quality time you spend says a lot.

8. Different relationship goals than him

I can’t tell you how many times I have heard about a budding relationship where one person says they want kids and the other says they do not, but the couple stays together for years anyway (and usually breaks up over the issue).

In my Conscious DatinProgramms, this kind of goal is part of what I call your Life Vision. And when the major ones like Family Vision (as in above) Financial Vision or Lifestyle Vision are not in alignment with your partners, you can almost certainly see what color the flag should be.

9. Lack of physical contact (affection or intimacy)

I realize that lack of physical contact has a fairly broad spectrum for a red flag since when it comes to things like intimacy, they can ebb and flow for a relationship and also (understandably) change over time. The fact is that if you and your partner are not in agreement about the amount and/or kinds of physical contact you require, eventually someone is going to get the deficit somewhere else. As human beings, we generally crave (if not require) human touch from a partner in some form. From simple hand-holding to a morning kiss, to hot, sweaty intimacy, you must get what you require to be happy because when you don’t red flag meter must wonder why.

10. Irresponsible and immature behavior

I group these two because they seem to go hand and hand so often. When you have a mate who acts in ways that are not age-appropriate or prevents them from being a productive and responsible member of the relationship team.

You typically have two choices for action: ignore it or become some kind of parental figure to change the behaviors. That’s why separately, or together, they are such red flags because neither choice will keep you in a happy relationship for long. You deserve to love and be loved the way you want.

When you first started dating, your family and friends tried to warn you about your boyfriend’s narcissism; yet, you cast aside their objections and overlooked his narcissistic personality traits because you so badly wanted to be in a relationship and to fall in love.

But now, you worry that your worst fear is coming true: You’re in love with a narcissist.

In the beginning, you only focused on his charm and engaging behavior, which he can turn on in a nanosecond if it serves him at that moment.

But, like a trained puppeteer, you’re now realizing that he is the master of the push-and-pull in your relationship.

It’s as if you’ve freely given your narcissistic partner the strings that affect your identity, character, self-respect, and well-being.

And even though you may feel grateful when your boyfriend returns after distancing himself from you — all part of a narcissist’s psychological mind games — dismissing his past behavior only feeds his narcissism and keeps him in charge of your relationship dynamic.

Here are 8 tiny signs a narcissist has you in their grips:

1. He has you wrapped around his finger

You might even experience Stockholm Syndrome, where you feel an irrational sense of loyalty or devotion to your captor — or in this case, your narcissistic partner. 

https://www.tiktok.com/embed/v2/7265946530010451242?lang=en-US&referrer=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.yourtango.com%2Fheartbreak%2Ftiny-signs-narcissist-has-you-deadly-grips

2. He doesn’t allow you to have a voice in your relationship

Does he control physical intimacy? Does he make the decisions about your relationships? Your friends? Your family? When he says, “It’s okay to hang out with so-and-so,” is there always a price to pay when you return, whether it’s emotional withholding, distancing, anger, or punishment?

3. He plays with your emotions

Men with narcissistic personalities enjoy manipulating women. That’s why your boyfriend is always there for you when you are at your lowest — when you grovel, plead for attention, or beg for a hug. But once you do get that hug, you start to hate yourself afterward for being so pathetic.

RELATED: How To Deal With A Narcissist — 8 Smart & Simple Steps

4. He isn’t committed to working on your relationship

You can’t change him. He can only change if he wants to. He doesn’t see the need to change because he is the smartest person in the room. He is brilliant. He doesn’t believe he needs to change because he is always right. 

5. He blames you for everything

A man with narcissistic personality traits will not take accountability for his behavior. He is masterful at pointing the finger at you. You are responsible for any negativity in your relationship. You are like a broken compass: the needle of the problem is always pointed at you.

6. He ‘gunnysacks’ you

Gunnysacking, which is defined as “an alienating fight tactic in which a person saves up, or gunnysacks, grievances until the sack gets too heavy and bursts, and old hostilities pour out”, is common in relationships with narcissists. Imagine a burlap bag filled with all of the misdeeds, flaws, errors, and problems your partner has accused you of and placed on you.

Each time you behave in a way that he thinks is wrong — BAM! — another item is added to the burlap bag. Then, anytime he believes you’ve crossed him, like when you challenge him or defend your rights, all of the mistakes you’ve made throughout your relationship come tumbling out. He slams you with these mistakes again and again until you become an emotional pulverized mess. 

7. He intentionally tramples your self-esteem

Think about what you were like when you first entered the relationship. When did you allow yourself to become emotionally dismantled? It’s almost always imperceptible. It’s a slow leak that cannot be confined to a date on a calendar. Your narcissistic boyfriend wants you to stay just barely successful and empowered enough to be engaging and interesting. So he can beat you down to a submissive level. 

8. He uses you

A narcissist is a king at being an emotional predator. He has no remorse for his narcissism. That is who is he. He wants to be loved just the way he is; yet, he does not accept affection the way you want to give it. The relationship is 100 percent on his terms.

 Realizing that you identify with these signs of a narcissistic partner is frightening and hard to face. You’re in love with a narcissist. But you love him, so should you end your relationship because of his narcissistic personality traits? 

Ask yourself if you agree with these statements:

• You are comfortable with your partner calling all of the shots.
• You are comfortable with his agreeing to all of his demands.
• You don’t have any needs of your own that are not in lockstep with his.
• You don’t mind if he seeks out other women as “friends.”
• You are comfortable if he flirts with other women, saying only, “They mean nothing.”
• You don’t feel that trust is relevant in your relationship.
• You don’t mind that he has alienated you from your family and friends.
• You don’t care that he condescendingly speaks to you.
• You are okay with him having private accounts, phones, and relationships.
• You are okay with not being a priority in his life.

How long should you stay in a relationship once you’ve realized your boyfriend has narcissistic personality traits? If your answer to all of the above is “yes” — you should stay with him forever. If your answer to even one or more of the above is “no” — not for even one day longer.

Are you wondering why he won’t commit but still won’t let you go? You’re asking yourself, “Why does he keep me around if he doesn’t want a relationship? What the hell is he thinking!?”

Many of my clients believe that if their guy won’t commit, it’s because he’s “confused about his feelings” or that “he loves me but feels conflicted.”

More likely than not, your guy isn’t thinking either one or anything like those things.

If you’re looking for signs he will eventually commit, don’t hold your breath. 

5 Reasons why he won’t commit but still won’t let you go.

1. “She’s great but I want to keep my options open.”

At the beginning of the relationship, your guy may have treated you like a queen. He made you feel loved and special and you want that back so much.

You might be thinking that your guy wants to get back to that place too, and if you just wait long enough and are nice enough to him, he’ll get there.

Nope, that’s not what he’s thinking. He’s thinking you’re great — because you are — but knows that you’re not who he wants to be with. But, he doesn’t want to be alone so he’s keeping you around until he can find someone else.

Don’t believe he will ever go back to the beginning and see you as a genuine possibility. If he won’t commit but still won’t let you go, that ship has sailed. 

2. “I know that she’s not the girl for me but the sex is great.”

This will probably come as no surprise to you but men love sex. They’ll do just about anything to get it.

If you’re willing to have sex with him even if he gives you nothing but breadcrumbs, why would he let you go? If there’s sex available to him with no strings attached, why wouldn’t he take it?

People who are in relationships that are volatile usually have great sex. It’s something about the chemicals that are created during conflict that can lead to great sex.

If you’re in a place where you’re constantly arguing about his behavior, that might keep the sex really good. And who wants to let go of great sex, especially great sex he can get for free?

3. “I don’t want her but I don’t want anyone else to have her either.”

If a guy wants a girl, he will do anything that he can to keep her.

He’ll stay in touch with her, spend time with her, tell her that he cares, and do nice things for her. He’ll make her feel special and loved.

A guy who doesn’t want to be with a girl, but doesn’t have the guts to tell her, will not do any of those things.

He will give her crumbs. He will have sex with her and hang out with her when he feels like it but that’s it. And she’ll be left begging for those crumbs and convincing herself that they’re enough.

Ironically, that guy also doesn’t want anyone else to have her. Why? Because he has it good right now.

He can keep his eye open for someone else, have great sex, let her take care of him, and all the other good stuff that comes with a relationship without having to give her anything in return. 

If your guy is being possessive, don’t assume it’s because he loves you. It’s because he likes what he has with you, for the time being. That’s why he won’t commit. 

4. “I’m so bored.”

Does your guy reach out to you late at night? Or on a Sunday afternoon? Do you feel special because you know that he’s thinking about you right before bed or at halftime during the game?

Do you use those moments to prove to yourself that he’ll come back to you because he still loves you?

Let me tell you, that’s not what he’s thinking. At bedtime, he’s bored (and maybe horny) and he knows that you’re on the other end of the phone, waiting to hear from him.

At halftime, he has nothing to do so he drops you a text to keep him busy until the game starts again.

If you only hear from him sporadically, what he definitely isn’t thinking is that he misses you or wishes you were with him, no matter what he says. 

5. “Did I get my heart rate up enough during my bike ride?”

Be honest, if you’re in a situation where you have a guy who won’t commit but still won’t let you go, do you spend 99% of your day thinking about it?

Do you journal, talk to your girlfriends, google the topic, and obsess about what went wrong? Of course, you do. All women do.

Guys just don’t do this. If he’s not interested in a woman, she’s gone from his mind until he’s bored or horny. He won’t spend a second processing what happened, what went wrong, or what’s next.

He’ll live in the moment, thinking about things that are important to him.

If guys could process what happened in their relationships, instead of focusing on sports or work or whatever else they’re involved in, then women wouldn’t have to spend 99% of their time wondering what’s going on.

Why? Because men would be able to talk about how they’re feeling and not leave women hanging.

And, if that happened, women could move on and find someone who can really love them for who they are. 

I know you want to believe that if a guy won’t commit but still won’t let you go, that he’s just conflicted, and that if you just love him enough, he’ll come back to you.

And I wish that was true but it isn’t.

If a man wants a woman, he’ll move heaven and earth to get her. 

Otherwise, he might give you a passing thought as he goes about his day but that’s it. Especially if he’s acting in a way that makes you wonder why he won’t commit. 

Hearing this is painful, but the sooner you can accept it and move on, the more likely you are to find the love you’re seeking.

And it’s out there, waiting for you. So, get a move on!

Dear Coleen,

I’m a 54-year-old woman and have been married for 25 years. We don’t have any kids, but have two dogs that we both dote on. I love my husband – he’s kind, we laugh together and we’re good companions – but we hardly ever have sex.

I’ve always had a higher sex drive, but at least when we were younger he was usually up for it if I initiated it. Now, we sleep in different rooms and, to be honest, I’ve pretty much stopped trying to be intimate.

I have brought this up with him several times, but he always says that he’s just not as into sex as I am, but that we’re happy together, so why make it an issue? I’m young for my age, fit and healthy, and I don’t want this to be the end of my sex life! Does it mean my marriage is over and the only option is to leave and start again?

I have mulled over the idea of divorce, but I feel upset every time I think about it. The bottom line is, I don’t want sex with anyone else, I want it with him. Right now I’m feeling lonely, rejected and undesirable – can you help?

Coleen says

You sound completely ­physically and emotionally detached from each another. When you’ve been together a long time it’s easy to tell ­yourself that things are fine or you’ll get through it, or maybe it’s a case of “better the devil you know”, but unless you properly address the issue it’ll keep coming back to bite you.

I don’t think he fully appreciates how serious the lack of intimacy is for you, so tell him, as honestly as you can.

Tell him it’s affecting your confidence, self-esteem and happiness, and be frank that you have even thought about divorce.

You could suggest taking a break from the relationship, so you can experience what it’s like to be without each other. You might find there’s no dramatic change in how you feel because being in a marriage that’s not working can feel even lonelier than if you’re on your own.

I think it’s hard to go from nothing to having regular sex. You need to rebuild intimacy first and that takes effort from both sides.

If he’s willing, you both need to start thinking more about what the other person needs, you need to “date” again – show affection, plan nice things for each other and inject some romance.

You need to build up to sex. That might feel daunting, but if you try and it’s still not working, then at least you can walk away knowing you really did give it your best shot.

The season of love is upon us, and as Valentine’s Day draws near, the pressure to keep your relationship afloat can feel like a ticking time bomb.

But fear not! With a few strategic moves and a sprinkle of understanding, you can navigate through potential relationship pitfalls and ensure you and your boo are solid come February 14th.

Let’s dive into some tried-and-true tactics to avoid the dreaded pre-Valentine’s breakup.

Be a little clingy

Now, we’re not suggesting you become a 24/7 shadow, but showing a bit more attachment can signal to your partner that they’re your top priority.

A little extra text here, a surprise call there—these small gestures remind them of your affection and commitment. Just remember, balance is key; you want to show you care without overwhelming them.

Embrace submissiveness

Sometimes, taking a step back and letting your partner take the lead can be a game-changer in a relationship.

It doesn’t mean losing your voice but rather picking your battles and showing support for your partner’s decisions. This act of submissiveness can strengthen your bond, showing your partner that you trust and respect them.

Say “I’m Sorry”

Admitting when you’re wrong and offering a sincere apology can diffuse potential conflicts and show maturity.

It’s not about who wins the argument but how you both can move forward positively. An honest apology can go a long way in maintaining the peace and harmony in your relationship.

Be more care and understanding

Understanding and empathy are the bedrocks of any strong relationship. Listen actively to your partner’s concerns, validate their feelings, and show that you’re there for them.

This level of care fosters a deep emotional connection, making it easier to navigate through rough patches together.

Avoid unnecessary arguments

Not every disagreement needs to escalate into a full-blown argument. Learning to let the small things slide and choosing your battles wisely can prevent unnecessary stress on your relationship. Focus on what truly matters and strive for a peaceful resolution.

Gift giving

Never underestimate the power of a thoughtful gift. It doesn’t have to be extravagant; it’s the thought that counts. A well-chosen present can remind your partner of your love and appreciation, reinforcing your bond just in time for Valentine’s Day.

Incorporating these strategies can not only help you avoid a breakup before Valentine’s Day but also enrich your relationship.

It’s the little things that count, and a bit of effort can go a long way in keeping the love alive. So, go ahead, show some extra love and care, and make this Valentine’s one to remember for all the right reasons.

Ghanaian radio personality, Animwaa Addo has recounted an extraordinary tale of how she uncovered her partner’s infidelity.

It all began when her partner started exhibiting unusual sleeping patterns, prompting Animwaa to become suspicious.

Determined to uncover the truth, she decided to pay him an unannounced visit after bidding each other farewell for the day.

Upon arriving at his residence, she found the gate locked from inside.

Undeterred, she boldly scaled the wall to gain entry. Using her resourcefulness, she managed to access the house through the back gate and skillfully picked the locks to his room.

To her dismay, Animwaa discovered her partner in the company of another woman, bringing an abrupt end to their relationship.

Animwaa’s revelation sparked a wave of similar accounts from other women, underscoring the importance of ensuring the fidelity of one’s partner and not being complacent in matters of the heart.

Watch video below

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If you want to know exactly how to make a girl fall in love with you, and what you need to do or create to allow a woman to feel capable of connecting with you on a meaningfully profound level, there are some important things you need to know about basic human needs that go a bit deeper than the typical dating advice you’ll find.

In 1958, American psychologist Dr. William Schutz introduced a theory he called Fundamental Interpersonal Relations Orientation (FIRO®). 

Within this framework, he defined three basic needs most human beings share regarding their relationships with others:

• The need for control
• The need for inclusion
• The need for affection

Side note: as Schutz’s theory expanded and he developed assessment instruments over the decades, his tools were found to work well in coordination with the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI®), and licensing rights for its use are now owned by the same parent company. But back to getting you the girl …

These three fundamental needs derive from the importance men and women alike naturally place on feeling significant, competent, and likable in our interactions and relationships with others. We all want to be important, wanted, and included, just as we all fear being ignored, humiliated, and rejected.

Here are 3 little ways to make a woman feel deeply attached to you:

1. Meet her need for control

If you want her to feel deeply attached to you, she needs to feel safe enough to trust you. One way to establish this trust is by making sure she always knows when she’ll see you or hear from you next.

Rather than leaving her out there hanging, worrying about when you’ll call, text, or make plans to see her again, maintain clear communication so she knows what to expect.

This lets her know she is an important person in your life, which means you also fulfill her need to feel significant.

For instance, if you end a date by saying you’ll call her tomorrow must follow through on that promise. When you do, you act in integrity with who you are, and you make her feel seen and appreciated. If you don’t, you’ve broken a promise.

As a result, her unconscious fear of being ignored is likely to be triggered, which means she will begin to distrust you.

Over time, your repeated broken promises will cause her to lose respect for you. There is a powerful connection between feeling you have a measure of control and feeling safe. If you don’t make a woman feel safe with you, you will likely lose her.

2. Meet her need for inclusion

When you share your life and circumstances with her, you bring her closer to you by making her feel included. The more you share about yourself, the more she feels connected to who you are. When you open up to her about your daily achievements and problems, you make her feel she’s a part of what’s going on in your life.

As a result, you create a deeper connection with her, which is exactly what many men unconsciously try to avoid by not communicating about things that are important to them.

If you prefer listening quietly to her without sharing much about yourself, you may satisfy her need for attention, but eventually, she will feel as though she is giving you everything and you are giving her nothing.

She may even unconsciously feel humiliated if she believes you don’t think she’s good enough or smart enough for you to confide in her.

When you get together with your girlfriend, if all you want to do is have fun and make jokes with her, you may think you’re being entertaining, but in fact, your humorous manner is more likely to come off as you insisting on wearing a mask intended to keep you disconnected from her at “safe” distance rather than inviting her in more closely, which is what she needs to become more deeply attached to you.

3. Meet her need for affection

We all want to be loved, adored, and cherished, so these desires are part of the third ingredient in Schutz’s theory. Understanding which of the five love languages you and your girlfriend speak, as well as what each language represents, is a great way to meet your woman where she is.

According to the theory first written about by Dr. Gary Chapman in his book, The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate, each of us has a primary (and, typically, a secondary) love language which is how you naturally prefer to both express and receive love.

If words of appreciation are of primary importance to a woman, she loves it when a man expresses his thoughts about her intelligence, beauty, and other positive attributes with frequent compliments.

When women prefer receiving gifts, tokens of your appreciation, such as flowers, chocolates, jewelry, and the like, confirm to her that your feelings are true.

Some feel most loved when their boyfriend is there to perform acts of service or devotion, such as making sure she always has a full tank of gas, taking the trash out to the sidewalk on the day it will be picked up, or fixing broken items around the house.

Another way some women prefer to give and receive love is through physical touch. A woman who speaks this love language may be especially eager not only to be intimate, but to cuddle with you as you watch TV, or to feel your hand resting on her knee as you drive.

Finally, there are women who most fully feel your love when you share quality time. When you make sure to be home at a certain time so the two of you can catch up, or you carve out one day per week to spend only with her, she feels safe and secure in your love for her.

The more you learn about your partner’s love language, the more you can meet them where they are and make them feel loved, adored, and cherished.

And if you manage to make a woman feel loved, while also fulfilling her basic needs for a degree of control and inclusion … well then, you will have mastered your way to deep attachment and make her fall madly in love with you in return.

Everybody wants to know what to do to be happier…

• More life-hacks
• More coping skills
• More frameworks
• More pills
• More coaches and therapists
• More wellness apps

And while all these things have their place, no doubt, what if this quest for more to make us happy is the wrong direction?

What if happiness is about what you should do less of, not more of?

The longer I work as a psychologist, the more I realize the key to finding happiness is often less, not more. It’s about discovering the things that are making you miserable and doing your best to eliminate them. And often, those things that make us miserable are habits: subtle but powerful patterns we’ve fallen into — maybe since childhood — that gnaw away at our happiness, day after day, month after month, year after year.

Here are six tiny things that kill happiness:

1. Worrying about the future

Worry is the mental habit of trying to solve a problem that either can’t be solved or isn’t a problem.

It’s easy to fall into because it feels productive like we’re at least doing something. It staves off the feeling we hate most of all: helplessness. In other words, worry leads to the illusion of control.

But here’s the thing: sometimes we are helpless.

Sometimes things are bad, painful, or terrifying and there’s nothing we can do about it.

• Yes, something terrible could happen to you or people you care about in the future.
• Yes, some people, truly, deep down don’t like you very much.

Worrying about it is a denial of reality. It’s a demand that everything be the way you want it. It’s an attempt to control what is fundamentally outside your control. It’s expectations gone wild.

Bad things happen. People are jerks. And worrying about it won’t change things. But it will lead to a lot of anxiety.

Work to become more aware of your habit of worry, then question it:

• Am I productively solving a genuine problem, or doing mental hand-wringing?
• What function does my worry serve?
• What benefit does it have?

Learn to accept the discomfort of what is or what might be and let go of your habit of worry and all the anxiety it brings.

2. Going with the flow

Most people dislike conflict. But that’s just because most people don’t realize that there’s a good way to do conflict.

Most of us hesitate to push back and stand up for ourselves because we’re afraid of being perceived as aggressive, pushy, conniving, or rude. And so we default to being passive, accepting, quiet, and generally just “going with the flow” — which is usually just a euphemism for being a doormat.

But there’s a middle road between being a passive doormat and an aggressive bully: You can be assertive. 

Assertiveness means standing up for your own wa needs, and values. It means asking for what you want and saying no to what you don’t want in a way that’s clear, respectful, and honest. Assertiveness is a skill anyone can learn.

The road to self-esteem, confidence, and self-respect is assertiveness — the willingness to align your actions with your values no matter the circumstance.

3. Isolating when you’re feeling down

I always think it’s strange that my therapy clients say “sorry” after they tear up or cry during therapy sessions.

Why would you apologize for feeling and expressing sadness?

As a therapist, my clients’ tears are helpful to me. They’re a sign that something we’re talking about is important and valuable. That helps me do my job better because I understand the person across from me a little better. But that’s not just true in the therapy office. It’s true for all of us.

Visibly painful emotions like sadness, fear, and frustration help signal to people around us that we’re struggling and could use some help or support. You don’t need coping strategies when you’re sad. You need people.

You need support. You need someone to hug you, listen carefully to your story, and share a pint of Haagen Dazs with you. When you hide your pain and isolate yourself, you throw away the most powerful antidepressant known to man — loving support from people who care.

So, while it’s natural to hide yourself away and isolate when you’re in pain or suffering, do the opposite. Reach out. Ask for support. Connect.

4. Managing your stress

The biggest lie we’ve all been told about chronic stress is that you need to get better at managing it. Why is this a lie?

Stress management is a pretty terrible solution to the problem of chronic stress because — to point out what should be obvious — you’re already stressed! Stress management is a Band-Aid.

It’s treating the symptoms. Which is fine as a last resort. But it’s a terrible overall strategy because it distracts you from thinking carefully about the true causes of your stress — your stressors.

The stressor is the thing that causes a stress response. If you’re constantly stressed, the long-term solution is to fix the original cause of the stress (the stressor) not the feeling (the stress response).

For example:

If you’re constantly stressed at work, you could try and do more deep breathing exercises or spend more time journaling about the things you’re grateful for. And sure, maybe your stress level will decrease a little for a time.

But that’s not going to change the fact that you’re still terrible at saying “no” and that you take on way more projects than you can reasonably handle.

In other words, feeling stressed at work is the messenger trying to tell you that something about how you work is deeply wrong. Stress management techniques like deep breathing exercises are effectively shooting the messenger.

Stress isn’t the problem. It’s the constant flood of stressors in your life that’s making you miserable.

The way we think about chronic stress is like an emergency room where the only treatment option is Tylenol:

• Gunshot? Here’s a Tylenol.
• Fractured arm? Here’s a Tylenol.
• Heart attack? Here’s a Tylenol.

Sure, a Tylenol might make you feel a little better at the moment. But it doesn’t address the cause of the pain.

There’s nothing objectively wrong with traditional stress management techniques like deep breathing or mindfulness. The problem is the habit of thinking about chronic stress only in terms of how we feel — our stress response. In reality, the far more important part of the equation is the stressors that are causing the stress in the first place.

Stop trying to manage your stress and start managing your stressors.

5. Judgmental self-talk

Everybody has self-talk — that running commentary in your head about everything from what shoes to wear and why to what your boss’ secretary thinks about your new haircut. It’s our inner narrator who constantly describes the story of our life as it unfolds.

Unfortunately, many of us A) are not very aware of our self-talk, and B) have a brutally negative, judgmental style of self-talk.

Think about it:

If you talked to other people the way you talked to yourself, you’d probably have zero friends, no job, and multiple warrants out for your arrest.

The reason we all have such harsh, negative self-talk is because we were taught as children that being “tough” on yourself was motivating and the best way to force yourself to be disciplined and get stuff done.

But the truth is, that drill sergeant John Wayne’s pull yourself up by your bootstraps self-talk narrator guy is not a very good source of genuine motivation.

Even if you are the kind of person who’s been reasonably disciplined and successful in your pursuits, it’s probably despite your negative self-talk, not because of it.

So if negative self-talk isn’t motivating, what function does it serve? Nothing good. But it will function to make you depressed, anxious, chronically guilty, and eventually hopeless.

You’ve had the same self-talk program running in the background of your operating system making you unhappy since since you were 5 years old.

“He who would be useful, strong, and happy must cease to be a passive receptacle for the negative, beggarly, and impure streams of thought.”

— James Allen

6. Believing your thoughts unconditionally

What’s so special about your thoughts?

Seriously, why do you give so much respect, authority, and meaning to everything that pops into your mind?

The idea jumped into your head that your co-worker thinks you’re lazy… So what? Does that mean anything?

• Is the fact that you had a thought about that idea genuine evidence that it’s true?
• Does it mean you have social anxiety?
• Is it just another sign that you have low self-esteem and need to get in to see a shrink immediately?

No.

Maybe they do think you’re lazy. But the fact that you had thought about it doesn’t make it any more or less likely.

But guess what? If every time thoughts like that pop into your mind you give them tons of attention, exert lots of mental energy over them, and read into them all sorts of deep, weighty meanings, you’re teaching your mind to throw more of those thoughts at you.

Cue the vicious cycle of chronic intrusive thoughts and all the anxiety and distress that goes along with them. Your thoughts aren’t special. And a lot of them are actively detrimental if you maintain a habit of always giving them tons of respect and attention.

Cultivate a healthy skepticism of your thoughts. Learn to let them be. You’ll be happier for it.

“The primary cause of unhappiness is never the situation, but your thoughts about it. Be aware of the thoughts you are thinking.”

― Eckhart Tolle

Many love the idea of “positive thinking,” but others think of the “think yourself positive” tactics just don’t work.

They may try to “attract” their greatest desires only to open their eyes and see that they are exactly where they began.

Still, there’s still a good chance you can be happy and find what you’re seeking. Studies have shown that the brain can be trained to be happy. Toss in a little “ohm” and a wee bit of white sage for good measure, and voila! — we’ve got ourselves a get-happy plan.

Here are 10 ways smart women choose to happy every single day

1. They let things go

Being ignored triggers the same area of the brain as physical pain, and looking at photos of your ex lights up the same areas associated with craving and addiction.

In layman’s terms, stalking your ex’s Facebook is not going to do much for your “moving on” process.

None of us want to admit that we “crave” or feel “addicted” to someone who no longer wants to be with us, but it happens.

When something or someone we wanted so badly starts to slip away, some of us are able to respectfully release it, while others simply tighten their grip. The latter never works; begging doesn’t look good on anyone.

Bottom line: If you’re not being welcomed into someone’s home, heart, or office space (and respected and appreciated while there), it’s best to stop knocking and go back into your own happy space.

2. They listen to upbeat music

When you listen to sad songs, it’s only a matter of time before a loved one will ask, “Don’t you have any happy songs in your playlist?” And while listening to sad music can provide you time to do some self-reflection, smart women who choose to be happy switch it up a bit.

Not only do happier songs make experiences more calming, but a peppier playlist can actually increase your mood.

In fact, a study performed by experts at The University of Missouri found that listening to uplifting music can bring about a sense of happiness, so while you may not want to give up your sad or angry music, maybe toss in a few happier tracks now and then.

3. They assume the best in people

In the past, if my friend sent me to voicemail or didn’t respond to a text, I would sit at my desk thinking our friendship had ended for reasons I was unaware of and I would never get a chance to explain myself.

Many unnecessary panic attacks later, I realized that not every missed call means someone is avoiding you, and that terse look from your co-worker is probably not because you didn’t fill up the paper in the printer.

Yes, there are selfish and manipulative people out there, but spending your life looking around for slights and insults is a one-way ticket to misery. Worse, it can make you show your dark side too often and cause problems.

4. They find the present in their history, but always make room for the new

There’s a good chance that whatever you’re facing now, you’ve faced it in the past and things turned out just fine. Your past shows that nothing can break you… except you.

Unfortunately, going back into the past without a clear understanding as to why you’re going there (and what you’re looking for) can turn out the same way as mindlessly walking into the attic, opening every box, and then looking at your watch, wondering where the day went.

And guess what? Other people look at their watch and wonder the same thing about their entire life. Don’t be that someone. Instead, focus on the present.

If you find yourself wasting time on things you know you shouldn’t be wasting time on, distract yourself and call a friend who will make you laugh or remind you why you’re so lucky to have moved on.

5. They are proactive

The more you reach out, read up, and walk forward, the more aware of the opportunities and possibilities you become. Before you know it, you’re living in a world of options and opportunity, instead of simply choosing the “lesser of two evils,” as so many feel they do.

Reach out to five people today and ask them all to get together to do something. Meet one for drinks, one to hit a museum, one for dinner and so on. Then, understand that being proactive is something smart women do to be happy every single day.

6. They don’t let fears hold them back

There aren’t bears behind every tree. Maybe it’s because our ancestors had to worry about wild animals chasing them into their caves or some hot young thing in a bearskin skirt causing a ruckus in the tribe, but so many of us equate the unknown with something negative. Quite frankly, that’s a shame.

Not only does this way of thinking keep us from making changes and making introductions that could literally change the direction of our lives, but it also makes us boring to those around us. So, whenever you find yourself fearful of the future, ask, “What if what I don’t know is how wonderful my life can actually be?”

7. They are grateful for every day

It’s easy to get caught up in daily stressors, but taking a moment each day to be grateful is something the smartest women do for themselves. Every time you’re feeling down or are complaining too much, name six things you’re grateful for.

If you’re with friends, go around the room and make everyone do it too. It works every time!

There’s something about being grateful that just shifts your focus, even for a moment, and you realize that smearing your nail polish right before a date is not that big of a deal in the grand scheme of things.

8. They are realistic

Buddhists believe that rejection of what’s happening in the here and now is the root of unhappiness. Sounds simple, but the more you focus on acceptance, the more you understand just how incredibly simple life can be when we stop complicating everything with wishes and expectations.

Whether you’re dealing with a job loss, a breakup, or something far more serious, accepting that you are where you are, instead of focusing on where you were (or beating yourself up for how long you stayed there), is the first step in moving forward.

9. They don’t just seek positivity and perspective

They say that misery loves company, but smart women want to be surrounded by strong, happy people when they’re feeling low (and also when they’re not). That means avoiding those who are dismissive of your concerns and telling you “it could be worse” and “don’t feel that way.”

Seek people who lift your spirits, validate your feelings and remind you that you can change your situation. Treat unhappiness as an infection to clear up, rather than a chronic, untreatable disease.

There’s freedom in accountability and knowing that we choose what we deal (and don’t deal) with.

10. They make good choices

Being a victim allows you to be lazy. If it’s not your fault, then you don’t have to do any work, right? False. Just because someone else made bad choices that left you down for the count doesn’t mean you have the green light to throw your own personal pity party.

Also, when you choose to engage with someone after they show you who they are, or you choose not to create boundaries or listen to your gut, that decision is on you.

At the end of the day, you are the person who is responsible for creating a space and a life you love. So, if you’re constantly stressed out or feeling as though you’re not where you want to be, the change you seek can only be found in the choices you make.

When everyone around you is showing love to their favourite person on Val’s Day it’s easy to feel a bit left out if you’re flying solo.

But hey, being single on Valentine’s Day isn’t a crime, nor is it a reason to do something you might regret later.

Before you decide to pull a stunt to fill the void, let’s talk about four big no-nos to avoid on this day of love.

Don’t buy yourself a “surprise” present

Let’s be real for a moment. Buying yourself a gift and pretending it’s from a secret admirer? It’s like laughing at your own joke—only you’re not fooling anyone.

While self-love is important, and treating yourself is encouraged, doing so under the guise of creating an impression that you’re not single misses the mark.

Instead, buy yourself something because you deserve it, not to craft a narrative for others.

Hating on happy couples

It’s tempting to scroll through Instagram and roll your eyes at every couple’s post, or worse, leave a snarky comment.

But no matter the case, don’t go on social media and leave unpleasant comments under posts where the couples seem to happy.

If you have nothing nice to say just don’t comment. Avoid comments like “It’ll end in tears” or ‘ Your partner looks familiar’ it’s probably best to keep your thoughts to yourself.

Stay away from social media

Social media on Valentine’s Day is a minefield of romantic gestures and declarations of love.

If it all gets too much, there’s no shame in logging out. Take a break, watch a movie, read a book, or hang out with other single friends.

Remember, it’s just one day out of 365, and it will pass just like any other. Your peace of mind is more important than keeping up with everyone else’s highlight reel.

Don’t call your ex

Lastly, no matter how tempting it might be to rekindle an old flame or seek comfort in familiar territory, resist the urge to call your ex.

Valentine’s Day can exaggerate feelings of loneliness, but reopening closed chapters is rarely the answer. Instead, focus on loving yourself and look forward to the opportunities tomorrow might bring.

Being single on Valentine’s Day isn’t a verdict of loneliness; it’s an opportunity to celebrate love in its many forms, starting with self-love.

Here’s to a day of self-care and self-love, and remembering that the most important relationship you have is the one with yourself. Cheers to that!

In the age of swipes and screens, navigating relationships can feel like deciphering ancient scrolls.

For a lot of the youth, especially Zen Zs, connecting with potential partners transcends traditional norms, embracing a mindful approach to dating.

Delving into the intricacies of modern romance, we explore seven common pitfalls encountered by men in their pursuit of meaningful connections with women.

From the allure of extravagant first dates to the delicate dance of communication, each misstep offers a lesson in the art of balance and presence.

Through the lens of Zen wisdom, we unravel these mistakes, offering insights into setting boundaries, embracing spontaneity, and fostering self-growth alongside relational harmony.

Let’s delve into the Zen of dating wisdom for the Z generation especially;

1. Taking them on a fancy date on the first date: Instead of fancy dinners, opt for simple, authentic experiences like a stroll in the area or sharing Fan Ice or Fan Yogurt together. Keep it real and relaxed.

2. Not setting boundaries for her: Setting boundaries shows self-respect and respect for her. It’s about creating a balanced space where both individuals feel comfortable and understood.

3. Fear to escalate: Fear holds you back. Instead, embrace the flow of the moment. Let things unfold naturally, without forcing or hesitating.

4. Revealing too much and too sudden: Allow your layers unfold gradually. Avoid overwhelming her with too much information too soon.

5. Asking her when can I see you again: Instead of asking, let spontaneity guide your interactions. Show interest, but let the connection deepen organically.

6. Focusing on her more than you focus on yourself : While it’s important to appreciate her, remember to nurture your own growth and interests. A balanced self makes for a stronger connection.

7. Always contacting her first: Allow the rhythm of communication to flow naturally. Sometimes, let her take the lead in reaching out. It’s a dance of mutual interest and respect.

In essence, embrace the Zen of dating by staying present, balanced, and open to the natural ebb and flow of connection.

Do you know the signs of toxic stress ruining your love life and relationships? Sometimes, it’s not so easy to tell. Good relationships turn bad. Why is that?

Is it something you said? Something you did? Do you wonder why friends are starting to avoid you? Or why do you feel negative about people you were once really close to?

When healthy relationships cease to be healthy, most of us want to know why. And even more so, we want to know how to fix a relationship that seems healthy when it starts breaking down.

Is dealing with stress in life affecting your behavior around people around you? Are you no longer attending social gatherings that used to give you life? Have you lost the one friend who you could always open up to? How about your relationship with your significant other? Are you having relationship problems and arguing more than ever for no apparent reason?

When healthy relationships break down to the point of being in grave danger, there’s always a reason.

Here are 6 tiny signs toxic stress is slowly eroding your relationship:

1. Your relationship breaks down

Your close relationships are the foundation for your physical and mental health. So when your healthy relationships begin to break down, it may mean you’re breaking down.

Breakdowns in once-healthy relationships are a symptom something is happening inside you, and it’s something you need to resolve.

Great relationships are contributors to a great life. No one wants to be stuck in unhealthy relationships, right? There are many perspectives on how to save a relationship and handle the aftermath of a relationship breaking down.

First, you need to see the light. While you may consider yourself healthy and believe you have healthy relationships, you may be surprised by what’s happening.

Have people you care about stopped engaging? What about people in your life who you used to rely on?

Have they stopped calling? Or, what about your involvement? Have you stopped reaching out to others? If this rings true you’ll want to dig in to understand what’s happening and get back on track before there’s irreparable damage.

2. You have low energy

People who often struggle with low energy are high performers who usually achieve their goals. They often have a lot of energy. So they find it easy to make relationships.

Life often goes well for them through their 20s. During this period, they have the energy to do fun things and go out with people on the spur of the moment.

Then they hit their 30’s. And change happens. Positive and negative. Life becomes much more demanding and complex.

Exciting opportunities and decisions push and pull on you. Job promotions place greater demands on you. Relationship challenges require you to transition from the freedom of peer bonding to the commitment of pair bonding.

You may have pair-bonded with someone, but it hasn’t worked out. Or you may have pair bonded and now have the challenge of the infinitely more difficult task of raising a child.

Then there are all of the other things in life that you didn’t plan for, like illness, getting fired, or having people you love get sick and die.

Good things can also be a challenge. Buying a house or finishing an advanced degree can be very positive changes. But they come at a significant cost.

Now that you know if you’re at risk.

3. You don’t acknowledge how stress affects you

You tell yourself you’re more than ready and able to handle any of these issues. Excitement and opportunity fill your atmosphere. You start to believe your childhood dreams really will materialize.

It is happening. Now. Fast. And you’ve got this, right? However, you have no idea how much stress these life events will cause you by themselves and when they happen in combination.

You’re probably thinking, “Nope, this isn’t stressful to me. This is life. And I’ve got it.” Trust me. Or humor me. Or stay out of curiosity. But you need to deal with stress and manage it.

Every successful person needs to understand the breaking point of their stress. You cannot maintain success when stress gets the better of you. And stress will destroy you and your most valuable relationships if not understood.

So you can weigh the toll stress takes on you and your relationship. And, equally as important, you’ll know how to handle it when healthy relationships break down from the damaging effects of stress.

4. You minimize the effect stress has on your physical and relationship health

We tend to go through major stressors and think we should easily bounce back and move on to the next thing. Not so! Stress follows you into your relationships. And it will affect how close you feel toward others and how close they feel to you.

5. You’re less present and affectionate.

You’ll lose the motivation to enjoy the fun activities you used to love. And this will cause relationship conflict. If not today, then in the future.

Stress can cause you to be more irritable, anxious, and less communicative. You will become a less enjoyable person to be with — a grouch. We all know those people, right?

Friends may gradually stop calling you because you’re just no fun to hang out with. Your physical and mental energy will drop from stress and will impact your relationships. Going to parties and events where friends hang out may seem nearly impossible. Frankly, you don’t have the energy.

6. You’re overly-busy

Doing too much is a catalyst for driving your stress levels up. A busy, stressful schedule gives you little margin for spontaneous or planned outings with friends or your partner. Stress will cause you to look at the world through a lens of negativity. Over time, you blame your overwhelm on others and life in general.

You become less patient with and more judgmental of the people you care about. You can’t overlook small issues, becoming irritable when they happen. This will cause conflict that could have been avoided if you weren’t so stressed.

If any of this sounds familiar, you’re walking a dangerous path. All of this will take a toll on love relationships. Your beloved wants all of you. Giving them your depleted, stressed-out self will make them feel uncared for.

They’ll feel like they’re getting your leftovers, which may not taste all that great. Over time, this can cause an injury to a relationship that could have been perfectly happy.

The Holmes-Rahe Stress Inventory

Not taking the time for yourself to unwind, especially when you have a lot of stressful life events, is damaging not only to your relationships but also to your physical health. However, stress management is vital.

Your body can only handle so much stress before your chemistry begins to change and you develop problems with your physical health. When you’re breaking down physically due to stress overload, it’s challenging to connect with people.

If you’re curious about your stress level and want to know if you are calm or a stressed-out accident waiting to happen, a great way to understand how stress affects physical health is by looking at and taking the Holmes-Rahe Stress Inventory.

Based on extensive research, they ranked 43 stressful life events from most to least stressful. You’ll be surprised by some of these.

The Holmes-Rahe Stress Index score is determined by the total value of stressful life events experienced over 12 months. People who score 150 have a 30 percent chance of suffering from stress.

They have a 50 percent chance of suffering from stress if their score is between 150 and 299. If their score is over 300, they have an 80 percent chance of suffering from a stress-related illness.

What would you guess is your most stressful life event? If you would say a significant medical illness, the death of a child, a car accident, or even going to prison, you would be wrong.

The Holmes and Rahe research found that the death of a spouse is the most stressful life event, earning a stress score of 100.

Divorce came in second with a stress score of 73, followed by marital separation scoring 65, imprisonment and death of a close family member at 63, and personal injury or illness at 53. Marriage got a score of 50.

You probably never thought that finding and getting married to the love of your life would be the 7th most stressful life event.

And that losing your spouse to death or divorce would top the stress charts. Losing a spouse causes attachment loss and grief.

It rips away what John Bowbly called your secure base of emotional grounding. It often results in relationship financial losses and deep fear about the future.

How do you handle it when healthy relationships — and you — start breaking down?

The first thing to ask yourself is this: “Do I have a stress immunity weak spot? Have I been plowing ahead at breakneck speed and telling myself I can take on whatever life hands me? It’s time to get ready and admit you are not super-human. With a stress overload, you will eventually break, just like anybody or anything else.

Take time to reflect on the stressful events you have been through in the past year, and take the Holmes-Rahe Stress Inventory. And if your stress score is at a dangerous level, ask yourself the following questions:

1. Can I slow down and allow my body and emotions to recover from the stress?
2. Do I need to reach out to my partner in a failing relationship and let them know that I value them and need them in my life?
3. Am I already experiencing stress-related medical problems that I need to seek medical attention?
4. Do I have overwhelming emotions that I need the help of a therapist to process?

Seeking the help of a therapist is always a good idea if correcting on your own isn’t an easy fix. Being humble enough to ask your partner or family for help is also crucial. Your courage in doing so could save a relationship and, potentially, a life.

You are stressed and losing relationships for one simple reason: the pressure of life is greater than your capacity to lift it. This does not make you bad or weak. It does make you a human who, from time to time, needs a little help from your friends.

What if you are losing a healthy relationship but you’re not suffering from the effects of stress?

There are other common problems — clinical depression, anxiety, and trauma, to name a few. You may want to sort through with the help of a healthcare professional. If you have any of these problems, you likely have a high-stress index score.

No article will alleviate stress from your life. The words on the page will not fix disconnected relationships. And many physical health issues will require professional help.

But, this discussion is imperative to living a whole and healthy life with relationships.

Now you know how to handle it when healthy relationships — and you — start to break down, you won’t ignore the warning signs.

By the time most couples come to my office for marriage counseling, they have tried everything they can on their own to work through the difficulties they’re encountering.

Now they’ve run into a wall that is either caused by accumulated sorrows, a significant crisis, or both.

They’re depleted; their internal resources and energy are dangerously low. Often feeling bruised and defeated, they come to counseling with a desperate plea for direction and advice.

Their eyes beg the question: Should we learn how to fix a broken relationship and try to create a better one, take some time away from each other to reformulate, or just give up?

Before you can fix a relationship, you have to identify whether or not it is truly broken.

3 signs of a broken relationship

1. It’s become a one-sided relationship.

It could be that there is no reciprocation in the relationship anymore. In other words, you may scratch your partner’s back, but when you can’t reach an itch, they couldn’t care less.

2. There’s a lack of intimacy.

Intimacy is something every relationship needs, so if you aren’t getting that anymore, the relationship is broken.

3. There’s no trust anymore.

Trust is the foundation of all relationships, so without it, your relationship is in trouble.

Those are just a few. The list could go on, but if your gut is telling you that something is not right in your relationship, it’s time to take ownership and work on fixing it.

This begs the question …

Can you fix a broken relationship?

Relationship coaches and therapists can help you determine if your broken relationship is worth fixing.

Some couples can repair what’s broken in their marriages or long-term relationships. So in that first critical session, we must make the tentative decision together as to whether or not there is hope for regeneration.

The answers to these six questions can help you determine whether healing your relationship is possible:

1. Do both of you want the same thing?

2. Is there enough energy left in the relationship to provide the fuel needed to repair and recommit?

3. Have you resolved traumas from the past, or are they buried and showing up in repetitive patterns don’t serve you?

4. Do one or both of you run away before giving resolution a chance?

5. Are there underlying, hidden issues that are sabotaging your chances to reconnect?

6. Do you both still want to try?

In the next few crucial hours of therapy, we often search for those answers amidst a storm of hostility, hurt, injustice, or the need to justify winning.

Sometimes, one partner has the role of the injured party, and the other is remorseful and humiliated.

At other times, they are two people who have been building up relationship conflicts that have never been resolved and have now become emotional cancers out of control, now finding a voice because of a current crisis. They have an exaggerated and helpless style of battling, and they are unable to hear the other among the din of their own pain.

Other couples are in a war of silence; the first to speak with any attachment to connect loses power.

As we process what has brought them into therapy and identify the origins of their distress and the negative patterns they’ve rehearsed, I look for nine qualities in how couples interact with one another that signify whether they will be able to work toward making real progress in overcoming their obstacles. These key indicators reveal to me — and them — that hope exists.

Despite the most terrible of betrayals, the most anguishing of hurtful behaviors, and the most discouraging disappointments, these subtle but crucial revelations can predict the outcome of whether or not they can find their way back to the love they once knew.

Important note: Unhealthy or abusive relationships are not the same as broken relationships, because if there is abuse — of any kind — it is not a relationship. In such cases, I recommend leaving and focusing on your mental health.

How to fix a broken relationship

If the answers to the questions above lead you to believe your relationship can be saved, try the following nine tips to find healing.

1. Be attentive to what your partner is saying.

When one partner is speaking, whatever their tone of voice, the other partner is looking and listening to them. Even if there is disagreement, it is evident that what the other has to say is still important. Listen to your partner’s feelings intently.

The partners may have a history of interruption, over-talking, dismissing, or minimizing, but will stop those behaviors when I ask them to and redirect their attention to what the other is saying. If I ask either of them to repeat what the other partner has communicated, they genuinely try.

When I ask them what they think the other is feeling or meaning, they want to learn to tell me. When either partner begins to cry or can’t talk, the other stops the interaction until that distressed partner can resume.

I see that both are capable of stopping their own drives to be the “righteous one” and remembering that there are two of them in the room.

2. Show concern and compassion for one another.

Couples who have lost each other’s trust and support, whether just recently or over a long period of time, may still show concern when expressing authentic heartbreak.

Suppose they are not able to use soothing words or gestures, especially if being blamed. In the moment, they can try to show consideration for their partner’s distress by their body language or facial expression.

It is as if they know the breaking point and do not want to go there. Compassion rules over dominance when the other partner drops into a genuine place of heartache.

3. Remember times that make you both laugh.

There are times when I’ve been with a distressed couple where it appears that the hostility between them has taken over the relationship. They are arguing about the way they are arguing.

They are unable to find anything in the other worthwhile to listen to. They are interrupting, invalidating, and yelling at one another. I feel like a referee in a professional emotional boxing match.

Then, seemingly out of nowhere, one of them refers to an experience they’ve shared in the past or something that is happening between them, and they both start to laugh. The tension is immediately gone, even for just a moment, and both look at one another as if they are really just good friends playing at hating each other.

Even if the fight resumes, it is evident that what they are talking about is not all of who they are, and I know I can get them down under their self-destructive interactions.

4. De-escalate conflict.

Every couple knows how far is too far. Sadly, that underlying knowledge does not always keep them from walking too close to that cliff, and many relationships end because of that sacrilege.

I can gauge the capacity for de-escalation when I see a couple recognizing they are too close to saying or doing something that the other cannot get past.

Seemingly out of nowhere, and certainly out of character, one or both stop the interaction or take it to a more caring place. They have a shared knowledge that certain words or ways of being may hurt too much to ever heal from, or some actions from the past cut too deeply.

It is clear that they have an invisible pact that keeps them from going over the edge.

5. Don’t bring up issues from the past.

It is natural for most people to use the past or other people to add clout to whatever they point out as valid in the moment. That is especially true when one partner feels they are losing the argument and feels that fortifying it with examples from the past or endorsements from other significant people will bolster its effectiveness.

Couples who are good communicators stay with one issue at a time and talk about what they need from each other in the present. They don’t try to persuade the other of a position that will satisfy them at the expense of the other.

If one of them begins to falter, the other brings them back to the problem at hand, and that tactic is not only accepted, but appreciated. Talk one problem out at a time, and when you have reached an end, forgive your partner and move on to move forward.

6. Re-establish a basic level of trust.

No matter how angry, hurt, or vengeful a couple acts toward each other in that first session, I can see that their distress with the situation in no way suggests that their partners are fundamentally flawed or damaged people incapable of change, redemption, and acceptance.

Challenges of acts of behavior are very different from character assassinations.

The issue at hand may have sorely undermined the relationship in their current crisis or long-term distance, but they would never state that the other person was unworthy of their love or basic respect.

Rebuilding trust, though extremely hard, is not impossible. It may take a long time, but if couples stick to their plan, trust can be rebuilt.

7. Be accountable for your actions rather than blaming one another.

Pointing fingers as to who is to blame is a power play and can quickly turn into emotional abuse. There is a bad guy who must be apprehended, and the good-guy victor wins the battle — but loses the war.

So many fights between couples sink in this assignment of accountability and whatever “appropriate” consequences result from them.

There is that magical moment in therapy when both partners realize that they’ll play a winning game when each owns their individual contribution to what has gone wrong. It sometimes takes some skill-building, but it is unmistakably remarkable to witness when the interaction turns in that direction, and then to one of working as a team.

They are no longer fighting against each other, but for each other.

8. Turn your negative energy into something loving and constructive.

There is no hope where there is no life. I’ll take a passionate, angry, upset couple any time over two people who sit in the room wishing they could be anywhere else and disappearing into two-dimensional cardboard cutouts.

The door to the outside office might as well be made of concrete and bars; instead of the room I regard as a haven, it becomes like a prison.

A once-loving couple who allows their relationship to diminish into a lifeless, complicated set of rote behavior and routines has the biggest burden by far. High, angry energy can morph into high, loving energy. As it has been said, hate isn’t the opposite of love — indifference is.

9. Spend quality time together.

Attention is one way to bring a broken relationship out of the grave. By focusing on each other, couples start to feel special and needed in the relationship again.

Schedule regular date nights and clean up and get dressed up for each other. On the date, practice some physical touch, such as holding hands or hugging. Put a lot of effort into making sure you have one-on-one time together every week.

Having time to talk is also important. Talk to your partner about your day and what issues you have going on. Spending time with each other reminds you that you are not alone in this world and there is someone who will always be there who you can share your problems with and come up with solutions together.

Sometimes, it is hard to visualize an angry or wounded couple showing any of these nine rays of hope in the midst of their anguishing conflicts.

But if you don’t overlook them, they are often just under the surface, waiting and wanting to emerge.

I know that a couple wants to get beyond their distress when they’re excited about those “a-ha” moments when I identify them. This bolsters each one of them with the confidence in themselves and their relationship to immediately desire to commit to replacing their old behaviors with new ones.

In order the heal a relationship, couples need to realize that those repeated negative patterns are the culprits that have gotten them in trouble, and they both need to work to be rid of them.

The couple that is capable of this has a strong fighting chance at finding their love again and knows what they now need to do to regain their stability as a team when they identify and challenge those negative patterns.

Though it may take many new moments and a long time to leave the darkness behind, the light is on.

You don’t need therapy to identify and initiate these responses in your own relationship. You can find these rays of hope if you are willing to put yourself aside and make your relationship more important than your need to prove who’s right.

But if you do feel lost and unable to identify them on your own, don’t hesitate to find a competent observer to help you find your way.

Find a way, and you will get there.

A few months ago, I rekindled a romance with my teenage sweetheart. When we got together we were only 17 and he was my first proper boyfriend. We broke up when I went off to university, but have stayed good friends over the past 10 years.

He always made it clear he’d like us to be more than friends, but I was always dating someone else and I never really took him seriously.

However, I broke up with a long-term boyfriend and we then started seeing a lot more of each other for drinks and dinner. We got really close and decided to find out if we could be a couple. I was worried it would be cringe, but it felt really natural. The sex is good, plus we know each other so well and have such a good time together.

My problem is, we were away for a night recently (a birthday treat for me) and a text from an ex-girlfriend popped up on his phone, so I looked at the chat history. I know it was bad to snoop, but I did.

The conversations were ­innocent, but it bugged me that he didn’t tell me he was in touch with her.

Before we were dating, I used to tease him about being a bit of a player and sleeping with lots of women, so this text made me paranoid. I asked him about it and he apologised, saying they’d stayed in touch as mates and there was nothing in it.

However, I can’t help worrying that I’ve spoiled our friendship for a romance that isn’t going anywhere. How can I be sure he’s not texting her and loads of other women?

OK, so this text has triggered a trust issue because you know all about his dating history. However, I think you’re rushing to judgment here. Give him a chance!

He wants to be in a relationship with you and you’ve known each other for years, so I doubt he’d risk blowing it all up.

You both have a dating history, so maybe you need a conversation where you agree on boundaries in terms of being in touch with ex-partners.

When exes are in the mix, it can be hard to move on as a couple and give your relationship the best chance. But I think it depends on the ex and what kind of relationship you have with them.

You sound happy in every other respect and the truth is, the relationship has gone way past friendship.

It can be tricky to go back to being just friends and, if you do, you may find things get messy and you either fall into the rut of “friends with benefits” or get jealous when the other gets a new partner.

You’ve taken the relationship to a new level so, if it’s going to work, you need to focus less on his past and he needs to move his mindset away from single guy mode.

If you’re wondering when you’ll meet your soulmate, don’t fret, you might have already met at least one of them.

Yes, I said “one” of your soulmates!

How many soulmates do we have?

Throughout our lives, we’ll meet five different types of soulmates, and all of them will be captivating, memorable, and absolutely necessary for your soul’s growth.

Each soulmate is deeply meaningful, intensely connective and profoundly impactful on our lives. Some types of soulmates stay around forever, and some leave more quickly than we would like.

What some of us struggle with is feeling a deep, soulful connection with another person and then having to go through the process of accepting their purpose in our lives has been served and it’s time to let them go.

Not all soulmates are the feel-good kind where you say, “We fell in love the moment our eyes met and are going to love each other till the end of time.” They’re not necessarily going to end up as your life partner, and unlike popular myths might make it seem, they’re not a replica of you.

There are many other types of soulmates — ones who come in solely for the purpose of teaching us something, some to break apart our life and redirect us to somewhere different, and others who pass us for the briefest of moments, yet tug on our hearts as if we’ve known them a lifetime.

5 Types of Soulmates You’ll Meet in Your Life

1. The Friendship Soulmate

Sometimes, we meet a person and click from the moment we lay eyes on each other. It’s as if we’ve known them our entire life, even if we’ve only known them a few minutes.

You tell each other everything. You could talk to this person for hours on end and never get bored. You share everything about yourself and they don’t judge you.

These types of soulmates actually know you better than you know yourself, which is why they are extremely important in your life. They “get you” in ways nobody else does and help you navigate your way through all of life’s trials and triumphs.

The friendship soulmate is a gift and one you should treasure your entire life. Because they are here to stay.

2. The Wrecking Ball Soulmate

This soulmate is not somebody that comes into our life peacefully. They enter in to shake things up. They challenge us and make us question everything we thought we knew about life. There is a clear “before them” and “after them” distinction when we look back on our lives and realize that we are now a completely different person than the day we met them.

This type of soulmate can come in many forms but it’s normally a romantic relationship that leaves us feeling as if we’ve been swept up like a tornado, taken for the ride of our life, and then dumped from the sky with no warning in an exhausted, tailspin heap.

Despite feeling like we don’t know what the hell happened since the ride was so fun when it first started, the beauty of this type of soulmate is that like a tornado hitting and leaving mass wreckage behind, we’re forced to rebuild from the ground up and can now make our new home (us) anything we want.

And most people rebuild something completely different and way more beautiful than what existed before.

3. The Lover/Affair Soulmate

These people don’t stay in our lives forever, but they come in as a lover and typically take on the form of a really beautiful relationship for a period of time. They might be our first love, an affair we had while being with someone else, or simply a lover who we had a no-strings-attached relationship with.

These soulmates are meant to be in our lives for a certain period of time to teach us about ourselves and other important lessons that will be poignant and meaningful down the road.

Typically, these types of relationships don’t start off with that “instant connection, butterflies in the stomach” feeling that we think we should feel with a potential partner, but over time it builds and the relationship turns into something serious and meaningful.

Soulmates like this often stay on good terms and become friends after their relationship ends, both realizing and acknowledging how much the other person taught them. Therefore that “soul connection” lasts a lifetime even though the romantic portion of the dynamic fades.

4. The Complete Stranger

This type of soulmate comes in the form of a very brief encounter with somebody you don’t know.

It might be the person you sat next to on a flight for a few hours. It may be someone you meet and spend time with one evening at a party. It can be as brief as an encounter with a stranger whose eyes yours meet on the street and you exchange just a few words with.

Typically the feeling is, “Oh! I recognize you!” Almost as if you’ve seen them before and are remembering them but can’t place where. If you believe in past lives, it’s typically because you are recognizing them as someone who truly is from your past.

The exchange is brief but intimate. They normally say something that you need to hear at the moment, validate something that you’ve been feeling or push you in a direction you need to go but are afraid.

You know in the depths of your soul the encounter meant something even though you never see them again.

5. Divine Love Soulmate

This is the soulmate every one of us desires to have. And if we’re lucky enough, we will meet them and live out the rest of our days on this earth together.

They encompass all of the above — the familiarity, the feeling of having known them for an entire lifetime moments after meeting them, the intense bond and connection that never goes away, the deep friendship, and the extraordinary, enchanted, deep-seated love.

May all of us have the good fortune of coming together with this person at some point in our lives!

The story we’re sold about love usually doesn’t go past the exposition. The part people write about and talk about and make films about is the seeking, finding, losing and finding again.

We talk about heartbreak and loss, and how we grapple with ourselves and our partners, but we don’t talk about the mundane, the ordinary, the everyday lives we ultimately settle back into once the firework show has ended.

Because we’re conditioned to think that the chase and the thrill and the acquisition of love is love itself, we’re hooked on ideas more than we are open to connection.

We aren’t willing to do the work. Work isn’t romantic. Work isn’t fun.

Here are all the signs that you’re already in the right relationship. It’s just a matter of seeing it through.

1. You feel at peace.

In any other situation, this would put you at ease. But lately, it’s left you questioning whether or not that romantic spark still exists.

The truth is that the kind of love that lasts, the kind on which you build a respectful, intimate, real relationship, makes you feel at peace.

It’s more comfort than it is panic and thrill. There’s a difference between settling into comfort and settling for less than a love that makes you feel like your best, most grounded self.

2. You know how to resolve your old relationship patterns.

When you arrive at the point that you’re able to recognize a pattern emerging, you’re also at the point where you’re ready to let it go.

Often in the best relationships, these issues stand front-and-center. It’s never a matter of whether or not you experience them, but whether or not you resolve them.

3. You realize that nobody is responsible for your happiness but you.

When most people give up on love, it’s because they’ve reached the point at which the other person doesn’t make them happy.

The harsh reality is that nobody else can make you happy — not consistently, anyway. Regardless, that’s never something you should rely on.

Unhappy periods will come and go, but your bond has to be stronger.

The key to that is fueling your own gas tank; as anyone in a long-term relationship can tell you, it’s unrealistic attachment and expectation that sinks the ship faster than anything else.

4. You have an unprecedented level of acceptance for one another.

This is often an overlooked quality for a relationship, but it’s an important one.

The right relationship is the one in which you have a mutual acceptance and respect for one another.

In other words, you’re not trying to change each other. You don’t tease each other for the little things.

You see who the person is in their entirety, not just the parts you’d prefer.

5. You want the same things in the long-term.

There are so many crucial practicalities when it comes to choosing a life partner who’s suited for you, though none of them seem very romantic on the surface.

One of the most important is whether or not you want the same things in the big picture: kids or dogs or both? Suburbs or city?

If any one person has to compromise a fundamental part of the life they want to live for the sake of the relationship, it likely won’t work out.

6. You both want to make it work.

All relationships have issues. Making it through them is usually only a matter of whether or not both parties have a deep, innate desire to do so.

There’s a lot of work, compromise and sacrifice that goes into fostering a healthy, loving bond, and if you aren’t willing to give it all you have, you probably won’t make it through the trials that you will inevitably face.

Dying alone can be a terrifying thought for many. But there are worse things in this world — like staying in a toxic relationship.

Toxic relationships can suffocate you and leave you feeling both unloved and unvalued. So, why do we stay when we know we should leave?

Gina Gomez is a coach who specializes in everything breakup and relationship-related. In an Instagram post, she goes over the real reason you can’t get over your toxic relationship.

The Hidden Reason It’s So Hard To Leave A Toxic Relationship

Gomez writes, “You know the relationship is toxic. The daily chaos tears at your soul, damaging your self-worth.”

Despite this, you stay and endure because being alone “means questioning your worth in ways you’ve been avoiding while keeping the focus on their drama.”

Understandably everyone wants to be loved in this lifetime. We want to feel special and feel like we are cared for. But a toxic relationship is just that — toxic. There is no love to be found only pain to be suffered.

Though you know this, you can’t bring yourself to leave.

“Being financially dependent on your partner can leave you feeling as if there’s no escape,” writes licensed counselor Helen Nieves. You may believe that if you leave, you’ll never make it alone, and for some that’s the real reason they stay.

For others, they believe they’re unloveable. Their partners convinced them that nobody would love their flaws and if they did leave, then they would truly be alone.

Regardless we need to find a way to break away so we can put ourselves first. But how do we do it?

“Start by pretending you are giving a friend advice,” suggests licensed Counselor Charessa Chee. She writes, “We tend to be both more direct and more compassionate about our friends’ situations than our own.”

Then question your partner’s actions. Are they changing or willing to change? Do their actions align with their words? “Can they have a conversation and work through things,” writes Chee.

After all this, ask yourself if this person is good for you. Chee explains, “Is this person going to get me where I want to go? Am I able to be who I am and want to be with this person? Do we share the same values?”

Figuring out what’s important to you can help you make the right decision.

Staying Reinforces Your Belief That You Require Other’s Love To Be Worthy

This might sound a bit harsh, but if saying goodbye still feels like pulling teeth for you — this could be a sign that you’re using someone else’s love to measure your self-worth.

If you aren’t sure, ask yourself these questions. “Do you try and get praise from others”, advises Licensed therapist Jennifer Litner. Do you jump from relationship to relationship or feel bad about saying no? Or are you indecisive and scared to be independent?

If the answer checks out yes, then you tend to seek external validation.

But as Gomez writes, “Recognizing these insecurities is your ticket to freedom.”

Litner explains, “A 2016 study suggests that emotional validation from mothers, especially in childhood, builds emotional awareness.”

But when we don’t receive that love we end up struggling with many issues including:

• Fear of rejection
• Anxiety
• Unpredictable behavior
• Trust issues

As well as external validation.

According to licensed counselor Sherry Gaba, if you want to stop seeking external validation try:

• Limiting or deleting social media
• Acknowledging your improvements through journaling them.
• Not asking for praise or acknowledgment.

Listen I get it — leaving a toxic relationship is hard. However, leaving can truly be a blessing in disguise.

Gomez writes, “Being alone means no longer hiding behind ‘girlfriend’ or ‘partner’ when asked who you are. It means questioning your worth in ways you’ve been avoiding while keeping the focus on their drama.”

A decade ago and years before that, many romance stories talked about high school sweethearts, perhaps because people found ‘the one’ at an early age.

Consuming such content as a teenager and young adult, you imagine you will find love at your first attempt, but the reality is harsh for many people.

The proverbial frogs that come before the prince can be exhausting. Going on dates and trying to form connections with different people every so often can be exhausting, so I was so excited when I met Max.

My friend carried me along to attend her friend’s birthday party. Max was the birthday boy. He looked so cool. He had a tribal tattoo on his arm before they became common.

Even with the ‘cool guy’ vibe, he was social and interacted with everybody at the party. When he came to where I was, I took the chance to ask him about his tattoo.

“Cool tattoo. Can I see the whole design?” I asked him.

“Whoa, maybe learn my name first before asking me to strip,” he joked.

“Oh, where’s the fun in starting at the first base when we can make our order? I responded.

We talked for the rest of the night. He eventually showed me the whole tattoo and explained that he had tweaked a part of the design to incorporate his idea of identity.

Besides having a pretty face and toned body, he had depth.

Our conversations flowed with ease. There was hardly any topic that we couldn’t have a discussion. He was knowledgeable, which I absolutely loved about him.

It helped that he was well-travelled, but he was a curious person, so he picked up a lot of knowledge from different sources. We could talk about politics, music, sports, family and finances from watching a two-minute clip of something.

As you decide what traits you want in a partner, you begin to identify qualities that matter to you. Being with a great conversationalist was essential to me because you would not run out of things to talk about even after the honeymoon phase was over. It also helped us form a friendship.

I gushed about him to my friend. “What has Max said this time?” My friend would tease me if I went too long without mentioning him.

I always had something Max had said about an issue because we talked daily. The connection was undeniable — or at least I thought it was. They say the best foundation for a lasting relationship is friendship, and I felt we were building that foundation.

We went to many places together. We both enjoyed trying out different types of food, so we sampled restaurants around the city and its environs.

After a number of hangouts we could even recommend stuff to each other because we had learnt what the other person enjoys. He’d be out with his friends and text me that I would enjoy fish from a particular place because it had an ingredient I liked. Max checked almost all my boxes.

Our bond grew with each passing day, and we even helped each other with serious stuff. He’d tell me about his workplace and the people he interacted with, and I felt like I knew them. When he needed to figure out how to handle a situation, he’d sometimes say, “You’re more patient with people than I am; what would you do if you were in my shoes?” I would give him my opinion. It felt like we were a team.

He would also volunteer minute details about his day, and having experienced men who treated such communication like ‘reporting’ his whereabouts, it did a number on me. I told my friend that I felt I had found the love of my life.

We hadn’t started dating officially, but he was sharing information that you ought to tell your significant other.

Max would also work towards finding solutions. For example, when I had a problem with my laptop, while technology wasn’t his forte, he looked for information on how to solve the problem. When we couldn’t do it ourselves, he asked for technician recommendations.

He remembered insignificant details, and when I said I wanted to do something, he held me accountable.

In my mind were getting to know each other before putting labels on our relationship. Then suddenly, he went quiet for about two weeks. He didn’t ghost me, but the frequency of communication was reduced. Then, we went back to communicating daily.

Out of the blue, we were talking about house designs when he casually mentioned that his girlfriend had a similar opinion to mine.

“Your girlfriend?” I asked. I hoped he would say he meant a girl who was his friend.

“Yes. I didn’t tell you I started dating recently?” Max responded.

“Oh, I don’t remember you mentioning it,” I said, trying to hide the sting.

“I met someone and I think she could be the one,” he said excitedly.

I feigned excitement and immediately called my friend. “The love of my life has found the love of his life,” I told her. I explained what had happened.

“Wait, so what have you guys been doing?” She asked me.

“I don’t know. I’m surprised that he was able to form a deep connection with someone else at the same time we were talking and doing all those things together. I’m hurt,” I said.

“Sorry babe. I don’t even know what to say. I’m shocked,” my friend replied.

Seeing as he had never asked me out officially, I took the hint and moved on. Finding that connection with someone is, however, difficult.

I knew my marriage was over when a friend asked me the last time I had sex with my husband and I couldn’t remember. Things were bad but I didn’t realize how bad they were until that moment. However, it wasn’t always like that. On the contrary, my ex-husband was a certified lover boy when we were dating. We were good friends and became partners after realizing that he was truly the love of my life. After a few dates, I knew that I would end up marrying him. The one thing that attracted me the most to my ex was how loving he was. Despite being a busy man, he made time for us and always made sure that I felt loved. So, I found it ironic that we were getting a divorce because our love life had become stale. He must have realized his loss because soon after the divorce, I became his side chick.

Steve and I may have had our issues but the last thing I ever expected was a divorce. I was willing to put up with a lot of things in my marriage hoping that he would have a light bulb moment and change his ways but that never happened and as the days went by, I felt more neglected to the point that I couldn’t take it anymore and I finally confronted him.

“Is there someone else?” I asked on the verge of tears.

“What?!” He exclaimed. “How can you even think that? You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”

“Then why don’t you pay attention to me anymore? I’ve cried myself to sleep for months and you don’t even care.”

“I have a lot of things on my mind. You know the business has been struggling for more than a year and it’s only getting worse. The last thing on my mind is being intimate.”

“If that’s how you feel, it’s fine but I can’t live like this anymore.”

“What are you trying to say?”

“I want a divorce.”

“Okay. If that’s what you want, then I’m fine with it.”

He didn’t even fight back. He was out of the house the following day. Despite asking for it, I didn’t want to accept that I was getting a divorce and it was very difficult at first. It also didn’t help that I was still communicating with Steve almost every day.

My friends used to come to visit me every day so I wouldn’t feel lonely. Meanwhile, it seemed like Steve had been waiting to get a divorce because it didn’t take long for him to find another woman.

“Who’s the new woman? Were you cheating on me with her?” I asked him over the phone.

“You and your wild imagination. I just met her a few days ago.”

“But you’re already posting her on your WhatsApp status. What will our friends say?”

“She’s my new employee. You know I always post new employees so my clients know who they’re dealing with.”

“Well, you should give me a heads up next time.”

“If you miss me, just say it.” He joked.

I laughed it off but in reality, I did miss him. However, I had to stay strong because Steve was used to having his way. I knew he was only being flirty because I wasn’t with him anymore. If we reconciled, things would go back to how they were.

A few months went by and the divorce process was going faster than I expected. Steve and I had also grown distant which made the divorce even harder. Eventually, we stopped talking to each other and went on with our lives separately. After two years, the divorce was finalized. Steve and I agreed to meet one last time to say our goodbyes in person.

I decided to wear something that would remind him of what he had lost. I went through my closet and selected several dresses to try out before settling for a short navy blue dress. After getting dressed, I headed to our meeting place.

Steve was already there and to my surprise, he had brought company. I quickly learnt she was his new girlfriend.

“This is Sasha, my girlfriend, and this is Maureen, my ex-wife.” He introduced us.

“Nice to meet you,” I said, shaking her hand.

Instead of getting jealous, I held my head high and reminded myself what I was there to do – make Steve realize what he lost. I was giggly like a little schoolgirl and kept playing with my hair as I talked. Eventually, I got Steve’s attention.

“You look different. Did you change your hair?” He asked.

“Yeah, I just got it done yesterday.”

“And your nails too. You look good.”

“Thanks.”

Checkmate. I got his attention and for the rest of the evening, he couldn’t keep his eyes off me. When Sasha went to the washroom, he confessed his feelings to me.

“I’ve really missed you, Maureen. Things haven’t been the same since we separated.”

“You had two years to stop the divorce and you didn’t.”

“I thought that you didn’t love me or want me back but I can see that you do.”

“You’re in another relationship, Steve.”

“And? You can’t deny that you want me too.”

Before I could respond, Sasha came back. We changed the subject but Steve sent me a message asking me if he could come over to the house after dinner. I was hesitant but agreed.

We went our separate ways and a few hours later, I got a call from Steve.

“I’m here. Open the door.”

As soon as I opened the door, he swept me off my feet and started kissing me. I kissed him back then he placed me down and we made our way to the house while holding hands. We didn’t talk much and he ended up spending the night.

I thought it was a one-time thing but he would message me randomly asking to come to my place. I became my ex-husband’s side chick without realizing it. We hooked up for a year before his girlfriend found out and broke up with him.

Despite our attraction towards each other, we both agreed that we didn’t want anything more and continued having a casual relationship. It recently ended when I realized that I was in my mid-30s and needed to focus on building a more meaningful relationship.

Often, many men in Accra get bad press for supposedly having multiple sex partners.

Their accusers were not exactly wrong as it turns out one in five men in Accra had engaged in sexual intercourse with two or more partners in the 12 months preceding the 2022 Ghana Demographic and Health Survey.

They were, however, not the most prolific men in the category as Western North men snatched the top spot by just a point.

In the Ghana Statistical Service’s report, the Western North takes the lead in this rank with 21.5% of its men stating that they had had multiple sexual partners in the twelve months prior to the conduct of the survey.

Check your region’s placement in the rankings below:

Western North 21.5%

Greater Accra 20.5%

Volta 19.4%

North East 19.3%

Western 19.2%

Bono 16.5%

Eastern 14.7%

Ahafo 14.5%

Central 14.0%

Upper East 13.8%

Northern 13.6%

Bono East 13.6%

Oti 10.8%

Savannah 10.7%

Ashanti 10.1%

Upper West 10.0%

If Greater Accra men lost the top spot with just a point, their female counterparts were not in the race.

The Central Region snatches the top spot with 4.8% of women in the region stating they had had multiple sexual partners in the 12 months before the conduct of the survey.

Check out your region’s ranking below;

Central 4.8%

Western 3.5%

Ahafo 3.1%

Bono 2.8%

Volta 2.1%

Northern 2.1%

Bono East 2.1%

Western North 2.0%

Upper West 1.7%

North East 1.7%

Ashanti 1.7%

Upper East 1.6%

Greater Accra 1.3%

Eastern 1.2%

Oti 1.1%

Savannah 0.9%

However, one thing is quite clear, more men tend to have multiple sexual partners than women.

Meanwhile, only 15% percent of women and 7% of men aged 15–49 tested for HIV in the 12 months preceding the survey and received the results of the last test they took.

This is despite about 80% of the women who had two or more partners in the last 12 months before the survey did not use a condom during their last sexual intercourse.

The same is true of the men in the same category as only 18% used a condom in their last sexual intercourse.

This has raised concern among health experts, who say the sharp increase in new HIV infections in the country is worrying and have called for more HIV/AIDS awareness campaigns to stem the spread.

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Imagine proposing to the woman of your dreams in a cozy and serene environment in the presence of family and friends this Valentine’s Day. 

This is exactly the offer Joy 99.7 FM, your Superstation has for you. 

If you are planning to propose to the love of your life, there is no opportune time to do that than this Valentine’s Day. 

Just decide and let’s help make that day extra special with a beautiful beach set up in the presence of your loved ones.

All you need to do is to walk in with your ring and propose to her. This will be a beautiful surprise for her so please don’t tell her but be sure she is the one and she will say yes to you.

Speaking to Lexis Bill on Joy FM, Edem Knight-Tay, the Programmes Manager of Joy FM said there will be food, drinks and good music with loads of other surprises in the house during the event.

“We actually have nosed around and we know that there are a lot of people who are planning to propose to their partners on Valentine’s Day. I mean it adds a lot to it. So what we are telling you is that if that is what you are planning to do, leave it for us, we want to do it for you,” she said.

“We are partnering Labadi Beach Hotel and we are going to use their beach side to imagine it.

There will be food and drinks all the house, we are also partnering Proposal GH. They do amazing things and they have promised that what they are going to do for our guests, hey haven’t done before,” she further noted. https://www.youtube.com/embed/vzvUwa7uX_o

To take part in this, send us at least three loved-up photos of you and your partner, tell us how long you have dated, what you both do by way of work, why you think it’s time to propose to her and why you think she will say “yes”.

Kindly send your entries to O5511119977 with the hashtag #ProposalOnJoy.

The last day for entries is Thursday, 8th February, 2024.

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I’ve never dated a woman before – Kobi Rana

The Acting Director of Demography at the Ghana Statistical Service, Godwin Odei Gyebi, has set the record straight on their recent 2022 Ghana Demographic and Health Survey.

According to him, the survey about marriage has been misinterpreted by the public.

The GSS report said 3.8% of married women in Ghana have had an extramarital affair. Less than one per cent (0.9%) of married women also had two or more partners.

They also revealed that, two in every 10 married Ghanaian men have engaged in extramarital affairs.

According to the survey, 17.5% of married men in Ghana have had two or more partners, and 18.4% of married men have had sexual intercourse with persons who are neither their wives nor lived with them.

This has generated a lot of controversy on social media with men and woman arguing about who cheats the most in marriage.

Reacting to this on Adom FM’s morning show, Dwaso Nsem Friday, Mr. Gyebi said they never used the term “cheating” in the report but that the public has misinterpreted their survey.

“Our list has generated a lot of conversations around HIV/AIDs; the only challenge is that some of the media stations are misreporting the figures that we have. For example, some are indicating that the Ghana Statistical Service says people are cheating on their wives or husbands and then in the report, we never made mention of that,” he explained.

Their concern, he noted, was on the risk of contracting HIV, and they wanted to draw attention to the fact that HIV is a real concern.

Mr. Gyebi expressed frustration that Ghanaians have misconstrued their research, adding that they are only examining how individuals may be exposed to HIV.

Going forward, he advised Ghanaians to take care of themselves and urged them to focus on the message instead of the figures of the survey.

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76% of men not aware of their HIV status – GSS Report

Contraceptive usage: Urban married women most likely to opt for ‘withdrawal method’ – GSS…

2 out of 10 married men cheat on their spouses – GSS report

5% of Ghanaian men aged 15-49 not circumcised – GSS report

We’ve all heard the horror stories from all of the dates gone so wrong. We’ve most likely experienced some of those horror stories ourselves.

For example, being set up by friends who just “know” the right person for you. Or sitting across the table just staring at each other, with not a lot to say. Or your date “suddenly” gets a call and “has” to take off and apologize.

Where do we learn dating tips that lead to successful relationships? Our friends? Our family members? Our own experiences? If you are a “conscious” person who is always learning about yourself and making the appropriate and necessary changes along the way, that’s great.

For the majority of people, dating is a process of often really bad experiences. Did you ever wake up one day and ask yourself when did this person change for the worse? How could I not have seen the signs?

I’ve discovered four ways to help avoid these horrible experiences. These concepts are not taught in school, so we often have to painfully learn as we go, at best. Marriage can work with the right knowledge.

The divorce rate is so high because we don’t know how to pick “the right one” and we don’t know how to have healthy relationships when we do find the right one. As if this is not bad enough, many if not most people divorce and then repeat the same negative patterns in the new relationship or marriage.

Another reason for failed relationships is that often our self-esteem is not in place in a healthy, accurate manner. This is not a good thing. We attract about the same degree of self-esteem in the other person. So if realize that you keep attracting unhealthy people, you need to take a look at how you see yourself inside. 

Here are 4 sentences every successful couple has memorized:

1. Don’t get into a relationship with an agenda

People often stay in a relationship because of an agenda. An agenda is a belief that something needs to be a certain way for us to be “okay” For example: “I must be married by 30 years of age.”

When we have an agenda, it will often get in the way of the more beneficial decisions we would normally make.

2. Open your eyes and be willing to see red flags

I cannot tell you the number of people who have told me that they never saw the unhealthy qualities in marriage or relationships until way down the line. We are talking sometimes years. They often report that the behavior “just showed up one day, out of the blue.”

The truth is that the behavior was there all the time but was ignored. “Love is blind” is not a helpful mantra when it conceals warning signs.

3. Read up on things you can expect in relationships

Learn the concepts and skills that will help you navigate through a relationship — and life in general. For example: How do you have difficult conversations in a relationship? How do you determine healthy and unhealthy behaviors?

Without knowledge of these skills and concepts, it can feel like navigating in the dark, not knowing what you are bumping into.

4. Give your partner time to show their true qualities

Watch out for consistent behaviors for at least 6 months. It is very difficult to hide your true qualities for more than 6 months without being a sociopath — and for sure, no longer than one year. And you would have to be a skilled sociopath on top of that for those unhealthy qualities to remain “hidden.”

https://www.tiktok.com/embed/v2/6933685348191063301?lang=en-US&referrer=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.yourtango.com%2Flove%2Fsentences-every-successful-couple-has-memorized

Watch for consistent behavior in the relationship. This holds for negative as well as positive behaviors. There may be an underlying reason for a person to temporarily exhibit negative qualities.

We all make mistakes but there is a difference between occasional “mistakes” and an overall theme of repeated negative behavior. Conversely, occasional “good” behaviour does not negate an overall theme of unhealthy behavior.

I always fell in love hard, so I was used to big feelings. But when limerence hit me, I knew something was different.

I could barely find any information when I started my quest to figure out what was happening. Search results kept referencing “obsessive love” — but that has a disturbing vibe that doesn’t fit how I felt, and it gives the feeling of a diagnosis.

I knew I wasn’t ill. I was upside-down in love with the wrong person at the wrong time who may or may not have felt the same way — or maybe he couldn’t feel the same. 

The dictionary says limerence is:

“The state of being infatuated or obsessed with another person, typically experienced involuntarily and characterized by a strong desire for reciprocation of one’s feelings but not primarily for a sexual relationship.”

After some in-depth research, I discovered many myths about what limerence is and why we feel it, myths that lead people to feel unnecessary shame.

Six myths about limerence and why it’s nothing to be ashamed of:

1. It’s not a crush or infatuation

There aren’t enough words for love in the English language! This is why psychologist Dorothy Tennov coined the word limerence to describe the state of being in love.

Limerence is much different than a crush or infatuation in its intensity, tenaciousness, intrusive thinking, duration, and all-consuming feelings (emotional and physical).

2. Limerence doesn’t happen to everyone

Why do some people experience limerence and others don’t? While this is still a significant area of social and scientific research, I’ve found three critical underlying factors can often lead a person to be more prone to limerence: having an anxious/insecure attachment style, going through a big life transition or loss, or being an HSP (highly-sensitive person).

Timing also matters. You may not experience limerence until you meet a particular person who triggers your unique and deeply held love map, which may remind you of someone you loved but lost, or who you could never quite get the attention and love you needed from, such as a caregiver or parent.

3. Love with shame attached

You might judge yourself harshly for how you feel and can’t control. The person you love may not know the extent of your feelings, so facing possible rejection by disclosing your emotions feels like too much to risk.

You may be in a position where you’re not available to fall in love with someone else like you’re already in a relationship, and this creates a chasm between your loyalty to your relationship and what you feel for someone else. You’re probably less inclined to seek help or talk to others about it.

The fear of judgment, being misunderstood, or being told, “Get over it,” is real. In this way, your experience remains intimately yours and gathers more and more energy as a secret. It can start to eat away at your life and mental health unless you seek some support.

4. Lack of certainty strengthens limerence

Dorothy Tennov found limerence is a particular state of being in love that often gains momentum and crystallizes from a lack of certainty and mixed signals from the love interest. 

A signifier of its limerence compared to other states of love is you don’t feel comfortable disclosing how you feel, and you feel extremely sensitive to the risk of rejection.

Limerence is a state of being in love and also of not knowing. The feelings mixed with high ambiguity, uncertainty, and insecurity can fuel longing and desire. It can prolong the feelings of desire, attraction, hope, despair, and confusion.

Not seeking clarification if the feelings are reciprocated can also lead to limerence lasting longer than many other states of love.

Sometimes, the fastest cure for limerence is killing the limerent hope by simply addressing the feelings.

5. Limerence is not the same as lust or physical attraction

While lust and physical attraction can be a part of limerence, the main difference between lusting or being infatuated with someone and limerence is limerence has a primary goal of uncontrollable, overwhelming desire to gain the confirmation of reciprocated feelings of love, attraction, and care from your love interest. It can feel like everything hinges on their reciprocation of your feelings.

Your self-esteem, confidence, and mood can skyrocket or plummet based on signals (or lack thereof) from your love interest.

There is an intense, overwhelming desire for reciprocated, mutual feelings of admiration, attraction, interest, love, and care that don’t usually accompany physical attractions.

6. Limerence isn’t companionate love, but it’s still love

Limerence can take hold when you don’t know a person very well. It can be a fantasy projection of who you think the person is. You fill in the blanks of what they are.

Often, we fall limerent with someone we know well, and their character and qualities are why we have fallen limerent in the first place.

It could be a coworker, a friend, or someone you see daily where the feelings suddenly and quite unexpectedly turn into limerence.

Limerence is not companionate or affectionate bonding love. Yet, it doesn’t mean the feelings you have aren’t real. Categorizing limerence as a state of fantasy or projection minimizes the feelings of the person experiencing limerence and can cause even more distress and feelings of shame.

Even if your love interest does not reciprocate, it’s uncertain, or the relationship can’t be consummated, your feelings are still valid.

In most cases, relief from the negative aspects of limerence requires thoughtful examination and curiosity about who you are, your life before the limerence, where you are now, what you desire, and what you’ve held dear to you as your ‘ultimate dream of mutual love.’

I’m many years from my most dramatic limerence experience, so I can write about it from the other side and tell you It is much easier than when I was in the thick of limerence. There’s a light at the end of the limerence tunnel!